Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I want to become a receptionist so I can say "Your son Rip is on line toot"

   Yesterday a Radio DJ said that America was an Obama Nation, he was sort of right... its becoming an abomination!

   I'm the one who screwed you all, but thanks for blaming the black guy.. George. Bush

   "My imaginary friend is better than yours!" ~ religion.

   at 11:08 pm. Troy Davis got what he had coming for the last 20 years. Jury said he did it. Court of Appeals said he did it. Federal Judge said he did it. Supreme Court Said he did it.

   I'm going to tattoo "Religion" on my d!ck, and force it down peoples throat and see how THEY like it!

   I'm not saying I'm fat but, my favorite machine at the gym is of the vending variety.

   Husseincare is unconstitutional

   I celebrated 9/11 by swiping towels from motels that were not American owned. Take THAT, Towel Heads.

   Bill O'reilly, you are interviewing the President of the US, not Lindsay Lohan. Let the man finish a thought would you? douchebag.

   MSNBC: quickly moving back to Bridgegate....CNN: quickly moving back to missing airplane.....Fox News: laughing their asses off......

   poking you with a spork

   i guess its better to be picking daisies than pushing them up

   Just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"

   Give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

   thought they put covers on books so I COULD judge them.

   Here's a helpful hint: the fastest way to get a hold of a live person is to scream obscenities at the voice prompts.

   I'm surprised the FHRITP guy is not at Ferguson screaming his catch phrase on the news...

   Potty training my toddler was easy. It was teaching her to hold a phone and scroll through Twitter that was hard.

   If you're not having a blast, you're doing life wrong.