Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   due to welfare, idiot tax payers like me have to work on weekends. Your welcome.

   God made your butt Crack up and down because if it were sideways when you went down a slide it would sound like this bufufufufufufufuublubufubufbufbufbuf

   woman are magic. They can get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard

   While driving yesterday, I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it......thanks a lot Mario Kart.

   god is a myth created by those who need someone to blame

   2 large ships stuck in ice during Antarctic summer. One of them an icebreaker. Al Gore could not be reached for comment.

   Obama qoute 2008 ''Navy seal team Six is Cheneys private assanation team! Obama qoute 2011 ''I put together Navy seal team Six to take out Bin Laden!''

   When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it

   out discovering new fears.

   believes in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it..

   got to live every week like it's shark week.

   thinks mother nature is bi-polar and is off her meds!!

   I absolutetly love drinking water... too bad they don't mention the ingredients on the bottle I'd like to make some at home...

   My mom used to say I'm wasting my life playing video games. Then I thought "no sweat, I've got 2 more lives."

   Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

   finds is dam funny that Chris Brown sang the American anthem at one of the biggest boxing matches in 5 years...

   make sure your wearing Deodorant when you reaching for the stars.

   wishes you were an Etch and Sketch. I'd shake the sh!t out of you and watch you disappear.

   might be bright out 2 day.. I'll probably be squinting like a Chilean miner...

   Its 1:40 am....do you know where your girlfriend is? Um......neither do I. But I'm sure she is in good hands.