Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do you get a liberal for Christmas? A tent so they can not work like the rest of them.

   Obama says Bashar crossed the "red line" after using chemical weapons. So it's ok to kill thousands but don't you dare use chemical weapons.

   If Romney gets elected, I hope Kanye interrupt his speech and talks about how Obama should have won.

   being an atheist must be hard. whenever someone is sad you can never tell them ‘God has a plan’ you have to come up with a logical reason

   Doctor: "You have Cancer and Alzheimer's" Patient: "At least I don't have Cancer!!"

   God made your butt Crack up and down because if it were sideways when you went down a slide it would sound like this bufufufufufufufuublubufubufbufbufbuf

   due to welfare, idiot tax payers like me have to work on weekends. Your welcome.

   While driving yesterday, I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it......thanks a lot Mario Kart.

   woman are magic. They can get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard

   we know its women's day today so ladies will you stop flooding facebook with ur stupid updates and liking other women updates.. its not your birthday

   god is a myth created by those who need someone to blame

   2 large ships stuck in ice during Antarctic summer. One of them an icebreaker. Al Gore could not be reached for comment.

   Obama qoute 2008 ''Navy seal team Six is Cheneys private assanation team! Obama qoute 2011 ''I put together Navy seal team Six to take out Bin Laden!''

   When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it

   out discovering new fears.

   believes in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it..

   got to live every week like it's shark week.

   thinks mother nature is bi-polar and is off her meds!!

   Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

   finds is dam funny that Chris Brown sang the American anthem at one of the biggest boxing matches in 5 years...