Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Get her Dexter!

   It's better Casey Anthony is found not guilty. Let her try and survive amongst the public.

   These are the same people who couldn't press a damn voting ballot which resulted in "hanging chads!"....LMAO!!

   I think Nancy Grace is the first woman to ever experience blue balls....

   Looks like Casey Anthony will be available to baby sit my children tonight afterwards!!

   Casey might not be guilty right now, but just wait till she meets God

   Casey Anthony just landed a new job as Obama's new abortion czar.

   I hope Casey Anthony's punishment involves cleaning the children's ball pit at McDonald's......

   Yesterday: Blew up some stuff by using illegal fireworks, drank too much beer, drove too fast., fired a gun. Ahhhh, Freedom America style!

   I sincerely hope you get stung by a jelly fish so I can finally pee on you without having to explain myself to the authorities.

   Things I'm angry about in 2011: 1) No hoverboards.

   The difference between "INVOLVED" & "COMMITTED" is like an Egg & Bacon Breakfast, the chicken was INVOLVED and the pig was COMMITTED.

   I delete enough status updates to know that I should never get a tattoo...

   Whenever my girlfriend is mad at one of our friends, she deletes them from FB but makes sure I stay friends so she can see what they're saying.

   Life is hell when you're sober.

   When men lie, it's to avoid an argument. When women lie, it's to ruin lives.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, and the middle ones for you.

   Psychology experiment: Pull you head back, now pretend to shake salt from an imaginary salt shaker in your mouth, you'll taste salt!

   I hate running out of deodorant......with 1 armpit left to go.. Now I have Sure on the left and Not so Sure on the right.

   Random thought: I wonder if couches at nudist colonies smell like ass?