Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4718 of 6371
Hey Karma, I got a list of people you missed."
Ever since that tiger mauled Siegfried's boyfriend, I think the line has been blurred between a fruit and a vegetable. Just sayin'.
I would like to thanks Jesus for a Monday I did not have to experience this week.
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04-09-2012 14:48
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Just been added on facebook by a tin of "pork luncheon meat". Reported it as spam
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04-09-2012 17:14
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If FOOD was a WOMAN i'd Marry her...
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04-11-2012 04:07 by billygoat
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thinking... Since the world is ending tomorrow; meaning today is the last full day of life ... I'm thinking about hosting a Pre-Rapture Sex Party. Message me for the details! ;)
"two managers 1 cup..." could get quite messi tomorrow
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05-27-2011 13:52
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Nobody believes you're serious until the first nose is broken.
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06-02-2011 20:28
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The DJ played The Twist I did the twist. He played Jump I jumped. He played Come on Eileen...He called the cops.
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04-05-2011 08:59
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I carry a diaper with me so I can hold it up and shout "excuse me, you dropped your adult diaper" when people cut in line.
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09-23-2011 10:50 by flinnie
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Few people alive can resist the temptation to look at the tissue after they sneeze, even fewer after they wipe.
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09-24-2011 09:24
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On September 31st 2011 Facebook will start charging you for your account. To avoid this, you MUST get NAKED, stand on your dining room table and do the Macarena, all while singing ”I Will Survive”. Then, and only then, will Mark Zuckerberg come down y
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09-25-2011 20:43 by Rudy M
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I turn my pillow several times in the night because I like the cold side.
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10-01-2011 08:35
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you know your high when you wait for a stop sign to change color.
Mathematics may not teach us how to add love or how to minus hate. But it gives us every reason to hope that "every problem has a solution.
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10-14-2011 15:40
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Have you ever posted something in your status just to see how quickly someone will 'like' it?
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01-28-2011 17:28
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Thanks for posting those pics. Are you trying to seduce me?!
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02-06-2011 09:16
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I don't exactly hate her but if she is in fire and I have water I will drink it
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08-15-2011 23:41
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You know you're in love when you're standing in line at Forever 21 making a return on a dress and panties that your girlfriend was too embarrassed to do herself!
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08-23-2011 04:49 by BRian
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I hate when I'm singing and some idiot thinks they can join in with me. B*tch this is not High School Musical.
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09-10-2011 06:14
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