Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon As soon as them illegal dreamers is gone, I'm gonna get me one of them technology jobs they stole from me.
←Rate | 09-06-2017 20:17 by Bobby Comments (0)  


   messageicon That Awkward Moment when you realise the person you dating has always looked like that. You just never noticed cause you were whipped!
←Rate | 06-05-2011 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I here Weiner is on suicide watch. Someone's afraid he's gonna choke himself to death.........
←Rate | 06-18-2011 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear driver of the car in front of me.... you do not make that amount of effort and beat me off the lights, only to go and drive under the speed limit. You.... are a b!tch
←Rate | 06-29-2011 12:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The capital of Montana is not Hannah.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 16:52 by @mitoblue2007 Comments (0)  


   messageicon likes to sell things to guys with fake hair just so he can say, "How are you going Toupée?"
←Rate | 07-16-2011 12:35 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  


   messageicon Females that utter males terms such as "Suck My D*ck" will NEVER get married.
←Rate | 08-26-2011 02:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear periods, You are the true definition of "bloody hell." Sincerely, Girls
←Rate | 03-09-2011 01:33 by @DonSixx Comments (0)  


   messageicon notices that ever since they invented Viagra; I never get called to 'stand=in' for John Holmes anymore....
←Rate | 10-28-2009 15:50 by Peebs Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering, if a turtle had no shell, would it be homeless or naked?
←Rate | 11-05-2009 12:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rehab is for quiters
←Rate | 11-30-2009 17:00 by tp Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.
←Rate | 07-09-2010 16:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
←Rate | 11-02-2010 04:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon (_|_) (_/_) (_\_) doin the Happy Dance!!
←Rate | 12-30-2009 17:18 by raeanne Comments (0)  


   messageicon To who ever invented the padded bra... THANK YOU
←Rate | 01-06-2010 21:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going nite nite... if you see me in your dreams don't forget to say hello.
←Rate | 03-31-2010 23:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't judge a book by it's cover, but you can judge a douchebag by his blue tooth earpiece
←Rate | 12-01-2011 18:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gene Simmons killed... what the hell was he doing in libya
←Rate | 10-20-2011 19:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OMG!!! I am so f'd up...I drank so much last night..i woke up in my own vomit! Party!....woohoo!..I just chugged more vodka to cure the hangover!.....(this didn't happen, just wanted to fit in in Facebook).
←Rate | 10-23-2011 20:18 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You think 7 years for a mirror is bad try breaking a condom
←Rate | 10-26-2011 23:00 Comments (0)  




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