Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4715 of 6446

As soon as them illegal dreamers is gone, I'm gonna get me one of them technology jobs they stole from me.
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09-06-2017 20:17 by Bobby
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That Awkward Moment when you realise the person you dating has always looked like that. You just never noticed cause you were whipped!
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06-05-2011 09:33
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I here Weiner is on suicide watch. Someone's afraid he's gonna choke himself to death.........
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06-18-2011 08:05
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Dear driver of the car in front of me.... you do not make that amount of effort and beat me off the lights, only to go and drive under the speed limit. You.... are a b!tch
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06-29-2011 12:57
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The capital of Montana is not Hannah.

likes to sell things to guys with fake hair just so he can say, "How are you going Toupée?"

Females that utter males terms such as "Suck My D*ck" will NEVER get married.
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08-26-2011 02:51
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Dear periods, You are the true definition of "bloody hell." Sincerely, Girls
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03-09-2011 01:33 by @DonSixx
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notices that ever since they invented Viagra; I never get called to 'stand=in' for John Holmes anymore....
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10-28-2009 15:50 by Peebs
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wondering, if a turtle had no shell, would it be homeless or naked?
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11-05-2009 12:33
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Rehab is for quiters
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11-30-2009 17:00 by tp
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FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.
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07-09-2010 16:47 by Joser
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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11-02-2010 04:19
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(_|_) (_/_) (_\_) doin the Happy Dance!!
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12-30-2009 17:18 by raeanne
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To who ever invented the padded bra... THANK YOU
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01-06-2010 21:32
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Going nite nite... if you see me in your dreams don't forget to say hello.
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03-31-2010 23:03
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You can't judge a book by it's cover, but you can judge a douchebag by his blue tooth earpiece
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12-01-2011 18:04
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Gene Simmons killed... what the hell was he doing in libya
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10-20-2011 19:14
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OMG!!! I am so f'd up...I drank so much last night..i woke up in my own vomit! Party!....woohoo!..I just chugged more vodka to cure the hangover!.....(this didn't happen, just wanted to fit in in Facebook).

You think 7 years for a mirror is bad try breaking a condom
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10-26-2011 23:00
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