Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a life with no regrets is a life no lived, I would rather strike out swinging than to sit there looking

   i love you like a fat kid loves cake, but right now the fat kid is on a diet

   the bigger the sunglasses, the uglier the face

   my new summer accesory is a fly swatter, not to use on flies but to actually pimp slap people who feel that its not necessary to use deodorant

   man code #3: if your friends zipper is down, that's his problem, you didn't see nothing

   pimpin hoes doesn't mean you have game, just means your own kind recognize you

   ladies first is just a polite way of saying I wanna check out your booty

   janet jackson flashes a titty and all hell breaks loose, while on the other hand rick ross can just flaunt his knockers anywhere he wants

   9 out of 10 men prefer a woman with a big booty, the 10th guy prefers the 9 other men

   some girls look better witout glasses, thats why I never bring mine to the club

   how badass would it be if USA came out in Mighty Duck's jerseys?

   just finished eating some generic frosted flakes, they're allllllllright, I guess

   if only you could put people up to the light to see if they're fake or real like a 20 dollar bill

   I probably should have put my real birthdate, because I just woke up to a bunch of happy birthday's on my wall.

   Initials and Acronyms. Casey Marie Anthony=CMA=Caylee's Murderer Acquitted

   I wash my hands so many times a day, I couldn't contract OCD even if I wanted to.

   Girl, not even the Kool-Aid man could bust through your emotional walls.

   I've been shopping for a new desk. Still can't find one with a headboard.

   My brain returns to its default settings every ten minutes.

   decided to clean house since it is raining. Now it smells of Murphy oil soap and Pine-Sol.. Instead of Sex and Candy.