Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apparently, sitting down all day makes your bum grow bigger. All I have to do is figure out how I'll start sitting using my chest.

   Yes I'm back in the GYM working on my 6 pack already burned four, two more beers to go.

   I wonder what Billy Ray Cyrus thinks about his achy breakie slut. . .

   needs an elf to wrap presents…..oh and do the laundry too while your at it.

   Since saying "Happy New Year" doesn't seem to give people much luck, she's going to say "Have a bad New Year" and turn thier luck around!

   Has used many of these's [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to help women further their education..or say that was what I was told at the time...

   at the crossroads of life and has taken the road less traveled........only because of my stupid "Tom-Tom" those GPS devises can be very irritating sometimes.

   advising to talk to the status.... the hand is not listening!!

   Quick tip, when doing a print screen of Stalker Check for your facebook pictures, don't leave porn in in your Internet tabs...

   You guys seriously f**k to Justin Beiber? That's sad.

   ...thinks that the web loaded slowly enough before someone came up with the brilliant idea of adding all of these Facebook "Like" buttons...

   skinny dipping with snapping turtles...oh what a feeling!

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   just had someone have a go at her for deleting them from her facebook.Whilst I know it is a childish thing to do I can't help thinking "I don't give A TINY RATS ARSE that is WHY I DELETED YOUh

   I just realised Chewbacca carries a Purse!"

   I think I've watched too many scary movies because every time I go to Chic-fil-a I find they are way too nice. I keep expecting their eyes to roll back in to their head while they are smiling and saying "its my pleasure to serve you."

   didn't think I needed a dude for anything...but batteries aren't gonna help me move this furniture around.

   She never lied to you. She promised to be your first and last... she just never said anything about all the others in between.

   drinks, dinner, drinks....rinse and repeat...happy Friday..smile

   here for you...but not now I am playing video games.