Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4697 of 6370
Facebook = Star Wars, Twitter = Empire Strikes Back, Google+ = Return of the Jedi. MySpace = Stupid prequels.
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07-11-2011 12:28 by BEGO
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Two years from now, spam will be solved - Bill Gates (2004)
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07-11-2011 12:19
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Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
I have watched all the harry porter movies with subtitles on, so that means I have read them too
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07-11-2011 11:49
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Hi. I'm unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News of the World will email it to me later
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07-11-2011 11:44
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Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed
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07-11-2011 11:36
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Forgetting to close my tab at the bar isn't as costly as forgetting to close tabs on my computer at home.
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07-11-2011 11:21
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I hate it when am standing at the back of the queue and someone asks me "is this the end of the queue? no it's not, it's the front and today we have decided to queue facing backwards
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07-11-2011 11:17
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I just woke up fro m a bad dream. I was being suffocated between two huge breasts...then woke up between the couch cushions
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07-11-2011 11:07
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When waiting for the repairman in the 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. window that the moment you step outside or run the vacuum cleaner that they call?
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07-11-2011 10:14
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I guess I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong...
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07-11-2011 10:13
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When someone enteres the room while you watch porn, make sure not to just minimize your window... also lower the damn volume. Sorry mom...
If he's truthful then I'm a one legged pirate......Does anyone see me with a parrot and a cracker??
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07-11-2011 08:56 by Sando
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The kids down the street have challenged me to a water fight...I'm just updating my status whilst I wait for the kettle to boil
Watching a Travel Channel show on ghosts. I don't buy the Massachusetts ghost in the red flannel shirt. Thats a meth addict, not a ghost.
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07-11-2011 06:14 by flinnie
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I saw a faded sign at the sign of the road. However there was no mention of a love shack.
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07-11-2011 06:12 by flinnie
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We need to be more concerned about dinosaur ghosts
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07-11-2011 06:07 by flinnie
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entrepreneurship - only cure for monday morning blues..!!
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07-11-2011 04:14
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The only thing left for me to do is to walk on water, and even at that some people would snicker and say, 'What, you can't swim?"
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07-11-2011 03:56 by Mick F
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suffers occasional delusions of adequacy.
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07-11-2011 00:51 by Hot Tea
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