Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ahhh.. Time for bed. The only time where I don't worry about anything other than total relaxation.. Pffff.. Jk I lay their for 30 mins then masturbate.

   The people who deserve nothing, are handed everything.

   If Miley Cyrus trips and falls, is it considered a hoedown?

   Everyone has the capacity to learn from their mistakes. I learned a lot today.

   All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.

   I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends.

   Owning a Blackberry is saying that you can afford a nice cell phone, but not quite wealthy enough for an Android/smart phone.

   A man hit my fender the other day and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But not in those words.

   Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help

   Panties aren't a mans best friend, but they are next to it.

   If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!

   I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.

   Dear Facebook.. A new sidebar chat?? seriously?? if I wanna chat I use msn.. if I wanna video chat I use skype.. so STOP IT ALREADY!!!!!!

   People who want happy endings have to write their own.

   Harry Potter's movie reinforces one stereotype. That an army of evil is still surprisingly inept at killing the main character

   Facebook: making the high school reunion last forever.

   So, other than that, Mrs. Lincoln...How did you enjoy the play?

   I had just sat down when I discovered that I needed toilet paper!

   Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

   Sometimes I wonder why I ever came to this Earth