Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The villian in the new batman movie is named ''Bain''........I know that Obama has something to do with this!!!

   I got some new deodorant, instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom." Now I can barely walk, but when I fart, it smells amazing!

   I was mugged by 2 chinese guys. I told the police how they looked like and they narrowed it down to 53,000 suspects.

   They Say There Is No Better Christmas Gift The A Homemade One That's Why I Will Be Giving Everybody Crystal Meth This Holiday Season

   is a straight ally and today is National Coming Out Day. I'm coming out for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality because it's 2010 and almost 90% of LGBT youth experience harassment in school, and too many lives have been lost.

   USED CAR FOR SALE CHEAP !!! Drives great, Low Mileage, Car trunk smells like chloroform and dead animals. Contact: Casey Marie Anthony, Inmate #08049710, at Orange County Jail, P.O. Box 4970, Orlando, FL 32802-4970, or call (407) 836-3400

   Im opening up an all female casino... Liquor in the front, Poker in the back.

   Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

   Sarah Palin's son beats woman and yet she blames it on Obama? Haha, she should have raised a gentleman instead of a thug!

   Pro Tip: If your EBT Card is denied... just take out your ObamaPhone and call him.

   Wants to help Haiiti since they helped us out so much during Katrina

   "RIP Joe Frazier... I Can't Believe He's Gone...I'm still shaking" -Muhammad Ali-

   I disliked Obama before it was cool.......Yes I did!

   just another brick in the wall

   "Now in all good toy shops, batteries not included"

   Yes sir, I’ve spent more time in Facebook Jail than they gave Smollett.

   The republican party are "carnival barkers"

   is surprised that some group of backwoods pudknockers hasn't yet blamed President Obama for CAUSING the BP oil leak in the Gulf.

   If you're asking why there are no black folks in the movie Titanic. Who the hell do you think brought the luggages on board?

   If I could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people.