Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've run out of tampons, so i'm going to spend the next few days upside down.

   My husband is so nice to our new cleaning lady. The house gets so hot during the day so he lets her wear a small skirt and a bra.

   People who believe in God shouldn't be allowed to complain about the weather.

   At least men and women agree on one thing...they both don't trust men.

   Unless you want to have ugly kids, never marry a girl for her inner beauty.

   Donald Trump is running for president. Are we on Candid Camera?

   Every time I eat a powdered donut, I try not to look like I just left Charlie Sheen's house.

   Letting people know they're idiots is my religion.

   I just realized the one single thing that would preclude me from becoming a biker. I bathe.

   I don't always get erections at Burger King. But when I do, their a whopper!

   Sitting here with Paula Deen & Phil Robertson watching Roots on tv drinking beer

   Has Fox News blamed Obama for Nancy Reagan's death yet?

   You keep Believing, I'll keep Evolving.

   In other news the country is headed for a drastic warm spell tonight because of all the hot air pouring from Obamas mouth.

   what sort of bees produce milk?.......B(o)(o)BIES !!

   Brock Lesnar will kick Cain Velasquez ass!!!

   Everyone is breaking up... Which means christmas is almost here!

   What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

   Soooo.... Justin Beiber is pregnant. That's gotta be hard for a 13 year old to go through..

   Money is not Everything... There's also Visa and MasterCard.