Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

   Sarah Palin's son beats woman and yet she blames it on Obama? Haha, she should have raised a gentleman instead of a thug!

   Pro Tip: If your EBT Card is denied... just take out your ObamaPhone and call him.

   Wants to help Haiiti since they helped us out so much during Katrina

   "RIP Joe Frazier... I Can't Believe He's Gone...I'm still shaking" -Muhammad Ali-

   I disliked Obama before it was cool.......Yes I did!

   just another brick in the wall

   "Now in all good toy shops, batteries not included"

   Yes sir, I’ve spent more time in Facebook Jail than they gave Smollett.

   The republican party are "carnival barkers"

   is surprised that some group of backwoods pudknockers hasn't yet blamed President Obama for CAUSING the BP oil leak in the Gulf.

   If you're asking why there are no black folks in the movie Titanic. Who the hell do you think brought the luggages on board?

   If I could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people.

   If a wheelchair athlete used WD-40, would it be considered a performance enhancing substance?

   when Ronald Regan was in office we had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office with no hope and no cash

   They say curiosity killed the cat. Which is true, because "curiosity" is also what I nicknamed my shovel.

   Maybe Obama should have pitched Obamacare on Shark Tank?

   I thought lubing my arse with vegetable oil would make my poop come out faster, but I just slipped off the toilet and shat on the floor.. :(

   DID YOU KNOW......The tallest mountain on earth is under the ocean: Mauna Kea in Hawaii is 10,200 metres (33,465 ft) high. Mount Everest is 8,848 metres (29,029 ft) high.

   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.