Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   an argument is a compromise between fighting and running away

   's dad's bumper sticker says: I'm spending my kids inheritance...on her bail.

   ..5p from every voodoo doll she sells is going towards the Haitian quake relief. The Gordon Brown one is selling like hotcakes..

   Life's a B****, but she throws one hell of a party

   masticating in a crowded restaurant.

   Today's Tip: Be kind to your fellow man....remember to courtesy flush.

   wearing his traditional Irish none-derwear!

   its ALOHA Friday no work till monday !!!

   I'm living the dream! Unfortunately, I think it's the bad one where I come to school with no pants on.

   suffering from Dyslexia : Putting the cool in shcool.

   I tried changing up the way I use the bathroom, so I wiped with my left hand today! I really wish I used toilet paper instead, though.

   Mother Nature gave man a set of balls solely to propagate the species. God gave man a set of balls solely for scratching.

   If you think that the Kendall Jenner commercial is the worst thing Pepsi ever created, let me remind you that Pepsi also makes Mountain Dew.

   I promise you it wasn't special treatment. McDonald's makes me wait for my fries every damn time. Nice try playing the hero and all.

   Bars are opening early Thursday. Russian vodka shots 1/2 price....

   If I were gay Mike Pence would scare me more than Trump...

   Whoever came up with the slogan Diamonds are Forever, obviously never had herpes.

   Chicks with nice b( . )( . )bs always seem to say the right things.

   Jeff Sessions said marijuana is only slightly less awful than heroin, which is like saying chocolate is only a bit better than the holocaust.

   trump must be very frustrated that congress is full of people with principles that care about Americans. It makes it harder for him to improve America for the richest and whitest Americans at the expense of everyone else.