Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The sack race.. finally Roy Hodgson wins something!

   You know the whole "pissing in the wind" thing...don't get tempted to try it...SIde Note: I Googled urine, and it is completely sterile...Just in case curiosity gets the best of ya...

   bets there's no problem finding salt for the roads when it snows in Margaritaville

   each one of my 6 personalities has its own Facebook page.

   The one good thing about my hand is I dont have to take it home afterwards..

   flicking Captain Crunch at an evil garden gnome

   "AND HE WAS JUST A HAIR AWAY FROM GETTING THE SACK!" I love football.

   wondering if night-time funeral processions drive with their lights off or what?

   a recent survey has found that most men do not partake in doing Gym, Tan, Laundry (GTL) as ritual before going to an evening event/gala. Adversely, men are apt to remain active in an older tradition spanning many decades... Shave, Shower, Sh-it. (SSS)

   its ALOHA Friday no work till monday !!!

   I'm living the dream! Unfortunately, I think it's the bad one where I come to school with no pants on.

   suffering from Dyslexia : Putting the cool in shcool.

   an argument is a compromise between fighting and running away

   's dad's bumper sticker says: I'm spending my kids inheritance...on her bail.

   ..5p from every voodoo doll she sells is going towards the Haitian quake relief. The Gordon Brown one is selling like hotcakes..

   Life's a B****, but she throws one hell of a party

   masticating in a crowded restaurant.

   Today's Tip: Be kind to your fellow man....remember to courtesy flush.

   wearing his traditional Irish none-derwear!

   not Danny Phantom but if a girl says she is pregnant then he is going ghost