Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering if dyslexics can truly appreciate alphabet soup...

   this aint the end.. its only the beginning of the end...

   It's not so much that "I don't like" my neighbors as "I hate 'em"

   There's no one I relate to less than my relatives.

   Life's a beach....and i'm playing in the sand...

   You couldn't get laid in a womens prison with a handful of pardons!

   Studies show that excessive poking can make you go blind.

   letdown. Crop circles just don't have the same mystique in backyard grass. (mood: disappointed)

   is the natural alternative to paracetamol and vodka....yes ladies you heard it here first LOL

   Tito must be taking relationship lessons from Van Damme

   It's funny how after an argument is over you begin to think about more clever things you should have said...

   My ten year old son is wearing Axe deodorant to school today, so lets hope I'm not a granddad 9 months from now.

   Just got back from the ER. They told me that my Gallbladder was unremarkable. I'm kind of fond of it though.

   You would think with all the money Dora has, she could buy a GPS instead of relying on "the map"

   Dear people who keep referring back to the good old days, why don't you stop using toilet paper and revert back to leaves so we can know your days were all that

   I meant to tell her she's weird but ended up writing wired. Anyway, still appropriate coz you know, NSA.

   If you don't want the answer to smack you straight in the mouth then I think it's probably best left un said!

   Any argument where she says I can do whatever I want always ends with me not doing whatever I want to do.

   May your valentine's day be full of all the sinful things people give up for Lent!!

   To ease my mind, I just pretend the Die Hard sequels were written and directed by Hans Gruber as he fell from Nakatomi Plaza.