Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering if dyslexics can truly appreciate alphabet soup...

   is the natural alternative to paracetamol and vodka....yes ladies you heard it here first LOL

   Tito must be taking relationship lessons from Van Damme

   Life's a beach....and i'm playing in the sand...

   You couldn't get laid in a womens prison with a handful of pardons!

   Studies show that excessive poking can make you go blind.

   this aint the end.. its only the beginning of the end...

   It's not so much that "I don't like" my neighbors as "I hate 'em"

   There's no one I relate to less than my relatives.

   Got held up at customs again. Think it might be because of my rock look.

   Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.

   the illness is gone but only from the outside ...

   You know what a lot of words mean, it's just really hard to explain it

   congratulations Vodka man! You've just been named public enemy number 1 in a matter of 10 minutes...

   Now accepting applications for FWB. Several positions open. Please email me photos and resume.

   COMING SOON to an interstate near you, OSAMA ON PARADE, sources say he will be dragged behind a series of army hummers, police cruisers and firetrucks,he will be taken to ground zero and they will charge 20 dollars to piss on his body, thus clearing our n

   payin for those jalapenos! My ass is on fire!!

   It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend....no.....no not all

   thankful for my mistakes for they have been my greatest teachers... Happy Teacher's Day.!!

   What? Athletes AND celebrities use their product? Why, I'd be a fool NOT to have my credit card handy when I call!