Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Put it this way, if they take aways "fake news"... you'll never get to see Cowboys fans bragging about how great they are.

   When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

   I really hope these new sanctions on Russia doesn't affect Vidka prices

   Dance like your hot cousin is watching.

   I went to a karaoke bar last night that only played music from the 1970’s. I didn’t want to sing but they handed me the mic. At first I was afraid. I was petrified. And I spent the night thinking how my friends did me wrong but I grew strong and I lea

   What's more important. The prick of the roses or the prick giving them. . .

   don't forget tonight we time travel without a T.A.R.D.I.S

   If Cookie Monster loved cookies so much, he sure did waste a lot while eating them.

   It's weird. When my pet elephant comes into the room nobody talks about it.

   Perhaps Daniel Craig's Successor as James Bond should be a disabled woman.

   I always wonder if the KKK pay double time for working on MLK Day or do they just get a new set of sheets with a higher thread count?

   I heard Rickon Stark's favorite band is One Direction.

   The United Kingdom just asked Donald Trump's father for a small loan.

   .... Everyone has that one person in their life that is lucky to be alive and is only still breathing because you can't afford a hit-man ...

   You shoot down a Russian plane at your own peril Turkey. 1 Russian Pilot = 42 Dead Turks.

   I can't be bothered to download Pokemon GO. So I just threw a basketball at my next door neighbor's rabbit.

   Divorce: The end of an error.....

   "Is that a gun in your pants ... or are you happy to see me?" ..... Melania Sanchez

   I like people who make me laugh, make me think and make me coffee. Not necessarily in that order....

   "Thank God we all have such insanely uninformed political opinions and tons of social media platforms on which to post them." -America