Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved.

   Never hit a man with glasses! A baseball bat does the job MUCH better!

   McDonalds faces potential lawsuit over happy meal. It contends that serving toys with unhealthy food is predatory. Where was this group when Micheal Jackson was alive?

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight.

   Happy Independence Day to all Indians out here...Married Men may ignore this message :-)

   The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.

   screw the dog...a kitty is a mans best friend!

   making a list and checking it twice......Its a hit list and you do not want to be on it!

   Dont leave alphabet soup on the stove it could spell disaster.

   Call from telemarker with a hot sexy voice = No need for internet porn today!

   Click like if you almost cried when Trey said,"Yo Dough...You still got one Brotha left!".

   I feel sorry for all the bald horses in the world. Black women only think of themselves.

   Breaking a mirror is 7 years of bad luck? Well breaking a condom is 18.

   If you wonder what it feels like to be one of those pretty girls that all of the guys want, you are probably gay.

   I like my women like my cell-phone - plenty of service but always silent.

   Happy Hurricane Season.......

   In her defense my mom used to say "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it"...

   The heat hasn't been this bad since the NBA Finals...

   i think jay z and beyonce child is gonna be the anti christ... i'm just saying