Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I bought the book, Fear by Bob Woodward, what a fantastic read. 
Love is never having to use a c ondom.
I loveee how my iPhone looks without a case but it's too risky......
If your name is Kristen, Kirsten or Kristin, your little game of madness is over. You're all Bob now. Understood? No more of this nonsense.
No worries, the Romney/Ryan camp is sending out folders of woman and a pair of magic underwear to all of the disgruntled supporters.
You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the back of the couch and you're not even reading this anymore are you...
New course now available at Trump University! The Art Of The Deal: Step 1) Bargain. 2) Fail. 3) Give up. 4) Blame others. 5) Go golfing.
You're not a douche because you paint your face and dress up with spikes on your shoulder pads, you're a douche because you're a Raiders fan!!!
making a list and checking it twice......Its a hit list and you do not want to be on it!
Dont leave alphabet soup on the stove it could spell disaster.
Call from telemarker with a hot sexy voice = No need for internet porn today!
I got 99 problems but a mother f**king jay z ticket aint one of them.
persuade the Canadians to take back Justin Bieber like they have already taken our gold medal.
told my husband, if you don't become more mature, you are going to erect a wall between us, he said hahahaha you said erect!!
loves those nights that turn into mornings and those friends that turn into lovers
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved.
Never hit a man with glasses! A baseball bat does the job MUCH better!
McDonalds faces potential lawsuit over happy meal. It contends that serving toys with unhealthy food is predatory. Where was this group when Micheal Jackson was alive?
Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.
those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight. 