Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon went 2 the corner store and saw the ugliest pregnant lady in the world and I just thought, 'Good for you.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:03 by matt Comments (0)  


   messageicon has joined The Handsome Mens Club...
←Rate | 03-30-2010 17:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Successful 8-hour sleep diet. Woke up and rewarded willpower with gravy biscuits and sweet tea. HAPPY HUMP DAY, Y'ALL!
←Rate | 01-05-2011 09:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money can't buy happiness? I just bought THE best package of vanilla frosting covered cupcakes of all time, for $5. I'm happier than a dog with two peters.
←Rate | 08-26-2010 16:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is nothing more convenient than putting on a pair of pants that already has the belt on.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 14:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon she would rather be a smartass than a dumbass
←Rate | 09-17-2010 23:50 by Carolynn Comments (0)  


   messageicon (SINGS) this is the Song that Never ends.. it just goes on and on my friend.. Some ppl started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it 4ever just because... LOL!! Bet your singing it now too! YW!
←Rate | 09-25-2010 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a flu shot for $24 from Target However, I declined the offer of a $50 colonoscopy in the men's room.
←Rate | 09-30-2010 13:08 by jimboleem Comments (0)  


   messageicon Avoid red fingers. Eat Hot Cheetos using a toothpick.
←Rate | 10-10-2010 18:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that if we were germs, I would be the 1% bad ass that lysol can never kill!!
←Rate | 10-11-2010 02:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the proof for darwin's theory.
←Rate | 04-13-2010 14:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in the court of law.
←Rate | 04-25-2010 19:02 by Ben Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:44 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put the "ass" in passive aggressive. But you'd know that if you ever bothered to pay attention.
←Rate | 05-10-2010 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you kill two birds with one stone, ..you'd better be prepared for those damn PETA people to show up at your door.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 13:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not every day you see a grown man on a treadmill making Six Million Dollar Man sound effects. Remarkably, this girl next to me remains unimpressed.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 10:35 by It\'s me Comments (0)  


   messageicon The saying goes "Always wear cleaned underwear, you never know when your going to be hit by a bus." But isn't it when you get hit by the bus, you SH*T yourself, already ruining your clean knickers?
←Rate | 06-11-2010 05:10 by Big Uce 79 Comments (1)  


   messageicon BP Says It Has Successfully Contained Flow of Information About Spill
←Rate | 06-13-2010 09:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most powerful position is on your knees.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 08:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why using botox, when there is a cheaper way. Blow into a Vuvuzela and after 20 minutes you look better than Angelina Jolie ever did
←Rate | 07-02-2010 11:09 Comments (0)  




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