Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4612 of 6446

went 2 the corner store and saw the ugliest pregnant lady in the world and I just thought, 'Good for you.
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03-16-2010 15:03 by matt
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has joined The Handsome Mens Club...
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03-30-2010 17:54
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Successful 8-hour sleep diet. Woke up and rewarded willpower with gravy biscuits and sweet tea. HAPPY HUMP DAY, Y'ALL!
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01-05-2011 09:39
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Money can't buy happiness? I just bought THE best package of vanilla frosting covered cupcakes of all time, for $5. I'm happier than a dog with two peters.
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08-26-2010 16:54
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There is nothing more convenient than putting on a pair of pants that already has the belt on.
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08-30-2010 14:51
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she would rather be a smartass than a dumbass
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09-17-2010 23:50 by Carolynn
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(SINGS) this is the Song that Never ends.. it just goes on and on my friend.. Some ppl started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it 4ever just because... LOL!! Bet your singing it now too! YW!
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09-25-2010 14:41
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I got a flu shot for $24 from Target However, I declined the offer of a $50 colonoscopy in the men's room.
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09-30-2010 13:08 by jimboleem
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Avoid red fingers. Eat Hot Cheetos using a toothpick.
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10-10-2010 18:26
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thinks that if we were germs, I would be the 1% bad ass that lysol can never kill!!
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10-11-2010 02:14
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the proof for darwin's theory.
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04-13-2010 14:28
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filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in the court of law.
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04-25-2010 19:02 by Ben
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I put the "ass" in passive aggressive. But you'd know that if you ever bothered to pay attention.
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05-10-2010 09:08
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If you kill two birds with one stone, ..you'd better be prepared for those damn PETA people to show up at your door.
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06-03-2010 13:15 by Joser
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It's not every day you see a grown man on a treadmill making Six Million Dollar Man sound effects. Remarkably, this girl next to me remains unimpressed.
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06-04-2010 10:35 by It\'s me
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The saying goes "Always wear cleaned underwear, you never know when your going to be hit by a bus." But isn't it when you get hit by the bus, you SH*T yourself, already ruining your clean knickers?

BP Says It Has Successfully Contained Flow of Information About Spill
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06-13-2010 09:48
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The most powerful position is on your knees.
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06-29-2010 08:33
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Why using botox, when there is a cheaper way. Blow into a Vuvuzela and after 20 minutes you look better than Angelina Jolie ever did
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07-02-2010 11:09
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