Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Chic-fill-a really does descriminate against gays. Their ketchup packets were super hard for me to open.

   Thanks outlook, but I dont need you to tell me that I have a very clean inbox!

   With the price of gasoline I am willing to take the risk of no ozone layer for old school "Regular" gasoline.

   has the feeling that the Saturday night beer fairy will be visiting shortly.

   They say everybody has at least one gay thought in their lifetime... I told myself as I slowly backed away from Justin Biebers new album

   Photoshop is cool and those Instagram filters are pretty sweet but what are we gonna do about mirrors?

   roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you..

   My marriage is very successful because my spouse is a figment of my imagination.

   Whenever people start getting too close to me I talk into my watch as I hold eye contact with them.

   Money means nothing to me. If you don't believe me, just ask me for money. You'll get nothing.

   Thinks everyone should feel "Happy Go Lucky" everyday & not just on Fridays!!!

   Kim Kardashian just tweeted that she is cleaning up her closing and will be selling her stuff on eBay auctions. Get ready to catch crabs people.

   Hun! You are just like a doll ; Pretty, but Life-less, dumb as a rock and everyone plays with you.

   happy birthday to all those born today in 1928...celebrating their 21st birthday

   Do strippers have nightmares about going to work fully clothed?

   This is like the 8th Christmas in a row I've been doing my last minute shopping & forgotten about the 10 day waiting period on handguns.

   so in the nativity scene...would Paris Hilton play the Virgin Mary or the cow?

   There's no such thing as 'a pair of ugly - cleanly shaven female legs' wrapped around your neck.

   New Years Resolution eat & Drink Healthy..................Weed & Vodka = Greens &Potatoes

   2012 is looking better. I had a twosome..... Woohoo!