Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everyone is wondering which White House room Melania Trump plans to turn into a brazilian wax studio.

   Girl:i"d French kiss you. Guy: I'd Australian kiss you Girl: What's that? Guy: A french kiss only down under ;)

   If Paris Hilton was a super hero she would be called Wonder why your famous woman!

   Excuse me.....Excuse me.....excuSE ME....MOVE B!TCH!

   Relax people, they made holograms of Tupac, Dick Clark can still appear on New Years Eve.

   Happy Star Wars Day!!! Don't let me catch you making out with your sibling.

   Some people think their religion and political views are “correct” and everyone else to them must be wrong. Some people seem to think their view of what work and life should be (or can be) is the right one…and everyone else is a dumb-dumb.

   So I brought like 19 goldfish to a 'Cash for Gold' store and they wouldn't even pay me a dollar. Not even a dollar! THIS IS BULLSHIIT!!!

   Thinking.... If they want to make this Kony guy famous, why don't they put him on Uganda's got talent?

   If the sea was weed and I was I a duck, I'd swim my way down and smoke my way up...buy the seas not weed and I'm not a duck so pass me that bong and STFU

   There needs to be a phone-line to Heaven.....for the one's we miss!!!

   Oh snap if gas gets below $3 a gallon looks like I can start dating girls out side my city limits....Whoop Whoop

   “I love Eminem” “The candy?” “No, the rapper” “What's so cool about M&M wrappers?”

   There will always be a song in our playlist which we always skip, but never delete ... *LIKE* this if agree :D

   Antarctica wind chill today -135 below. Al Gore refuses to comment

   I want to die the same way I was born. Naked and inside of something Wet..

   It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you'll do.....Hold the line, love isn't always on time,

   So you can catch HIV from being in Two and a Half Men

   A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

   Seeing the media give most of their coverage to Trump and barely any to Bernie must be what watching the news in North Korea is like.