Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4579 of 6371
When I go to Popeye's I always order "the Kardashian"....a box full of dark meat.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 23:21
Comments (0)
my "sleep number" is a 12.....pack
←Rate |
08-20-2011 23:12 by oatmeal
Comments (0)
People always talk bout hard work, but you can work hard your whole life and not get anywhere...take my advice, work smart, not hard
←Rate |
08-20-2011 17:33
Comments (0)
Donald and Daisy Duck must have a romantic passionate marriage. No one "wears the pants' in the relationship. Matter of fact I've never known them to wear any pants at all! Wow the secret to a passionate marriage must be "no pants."
←Rate |
08-20-2011 17:28 by JBabcock
Comments (0)
I saw an ad on TV that settles the age old query..."What started the universe, God or The Big Bang?" I come to find out in a 30 second commercial that the Solar System is powered by a Jimmy Dean Sausage Biscuit.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 17:23 by MTQ
Comments (0)
Most men would never agree to marriage if they knew how rare it was to mate in captivity.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 16:34 by JBabcock
Comments (0)
Common sense Nursing is knowing that you should never take a laxative when you have a bad cough.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 16:33 by JBabcock
Comments (0)
Going to a chain bookstore and finding all the books on lower back pain on the bottom shelf is most likely result of hiring college grads with degrees like "Art History" and only paying them minimum wage.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 16:30 by JBabcock
Comments (0)
The Pinky Toe:The most sensitive part of your body when it comes to finding furniture in the Dark.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 16:25 by JBabcock
Comments (0)
Remember , the Grass is not always Greener on the other side!!! Unless your neighbors are"Cheech & Chong"
←Rate |
08-20-2011 16:08 by Tom T
Comments (0)
i dont know why but everytime someone starts a conversation with "this one time" my brain automatically says "at band camp"
←Rate |
08-20-2011 16:05
Comments (0)
The bum economy has sent gold prices sky rocketing....It's so high that an angry flash mob looted Mr. T!
Women use their purses as a way to "mark" their territory while shoppin. They make us men hold their purses . I don't care if your Arnold Schwarzenegger, you look like a doofus holding your wifes purse outside a Fashion Barn dressing room.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 15:45 by JBabcock
Comments (0)
Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian might be the first time in history that the roles have been reversed and a ball player has trapped a hoe.
I want my tombstone to say "Watch where your standing... that hurts!"
←Rate |
08-20-2011 15:34 by J.P.
Comments (0)
'I love having sex with you' doesn't mean, 'I'm only having sex with you'
←Rate |
08-20-2011 14:49
Comments (0)
Everybody has that one person who always catches you doing weird stuff.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 14:36
Comments (0)
The most beautiful people are the ones who do not have the intention to look good but end up accidentally looking good.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 14:23
Comments (0)
If she listens to lil wayne, she to young for you bro
←Rate |
08-20-2011 14:02
Comments (0)
Celebrities of old had talent and class! Why then are the likes of the Kardashians and Hiltons considered celebrities when they have neither?
←Rate |
08-20-2011 12:35 by smeebert
Comments (0)