Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Where's Waldo? (Er....Gadhafi..)

   I wasn't that drunk. " Dude, you were standing on your head screaming at people to quit walking on your ceiling.

   The next time somebody texts me with "k", I'm going to tell them that they smell like a hippo. And when they respond with "WTF??" I'm going to respond with just "k"

   when you run like a ninja to your charger when your phone is low battery

   what ever happened to blues clues? did that dog die

   Remember give everything a chance.. That way later in life you can look back and say you give it a shot..

   Rum, Dr. Pepper, and the Curse of the Black Pearl. The end to a great weekend!

   I wonder what that commercial with the corndog slapping the guy in the face would be like with the "Benny Hill" theme song played over it?.........

   Why is it when someone is under water on TV, I hold my breath also?

   Vampires will only truly love girls four days out of the month, period.

   "Lets watch a scary movie!" *several hours later* "Dude, walk with me to the bathroom"

   PMS is just women ovary acting.

   You know why lesbians are so fat...because there always eating out..!!!

   if I had a dollar for everytime I wished I had a dollar....

   my dogs weird. I flip him off and he just wags his tail

   Big Shout out goin out to all the pretty chics that look ugly when they turn the lights on at the end of the night in the club. You're all special in the dark. =)

   That #MomentOfPanic when in the middle of showing your girlfriend a video on your phone.......another girl calls

   Who needs soap operas, talk shows, reality tv, newspapers, and books when there is facebook

   If she drinks apple juice she is too young for you bro

   even the sweetest memories have a bitter taste