Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   life is a battle field and there are so many dangers, just when you think it's okay it blows up in your face..

   That posh voice that your mum puts on when she's on the phone:')

   oh, so I'm invisible to you now? sweet! I always wanted a super power:D

   i absolutely love sending inboxes and never getting a reply. I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful it makes me feel.

   So you can't even find time in your day to send me just one message? I guess that tells me where I stand.. if you want me in your life, find a way of getting me there.. i'm done trying!

   Why does this thing tell you that you have 24 letters left, then when you post it's incomplete? e

   Florida: Those computerized hurricane forecast models are ridiculous. You could give a 4 year old a map and a crayon, and they'd come up with something almost as inaccurate.

   I don't hate you, I just don't appreciate your existence.

   Before you judge me: deal with what I've dealt with, Feel what I've felt, Survive what I've survived, Master what I have mastered and Overcome what I overcame.

   You know you're in love when you're standing in line at Forever 21 making a return on a dress and panties that your girlfriend was too embarrassed to do herself!

   The bigger the EXPECTATION, the bigger the HEARTBREAK!

   You're like a drug to me, not only am I hooked on you but you're also ruining my life...

   They say, "You are what you eat" ... The thing is, I don't remember eating a sexy b!tch.... oh wait a minute. Scratch that....

   So who is the bitter old man who started these damn "she's to young for you bro" crap? So she didn't like you, "Bitter party of one?...Bitter party of one......"

   Here at Kotex Tampons were not claiming to be number one, were certainly not number two,. But when it come"s to Tampons were right up in there...

   If you think it's necessary to judge me by my past, don't get mad when I think it's necessary to put you there

   thinks as a male, I will always feel judged when buying hand lotion….

   History repeats itself oppurtunities dont!

   Now these are just plain stupid. Can someone PLEASE just create one with Natural humor? Not just "forced/Trying too hard" Humor!

   If I had chicken, carrots, and cabbage to add to my ramen noodles to make chicken noodle soup, I wouldn't be eating Ramen Noodles in the first place.