Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   RETRO BREAKING NEWS: NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, and MSNBC blames Bush for Katrina. Also for herpes, World War 1 and "All My Children" getting cancelled.

   It's now being reported that two earthquakes hit the New Jersey area. In other words, Snooki fell twice.

   BREAKING NEWS: Fox News blames Obama for the earthquake. Also for herpes, World War 1 and "All My Children" getting cancelled.

   I call dibs on everything, ever. Sorry, it's out of my hands now. I'll be by to pick up all of your stuff later. Or MY stuff, rather.

   ..... That was no earthquake in DC ......... that was a warning shot!!!!

   Hey Florida, if you need an Ark, I Noah guy!!

   I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.

   I think at this point, the Beastie Boys are more concerned about Medicare coverage. Than the right to party

   In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to f*ck with you.

   The DC Earthquake was caused by direct reverberations from the opposite side of the Earth. It's from China jumping up and down in anger when they realized they're not gonna get their money back.

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

   I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them

   likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I'll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.

   Ok Florida, we see your hurricane and raise you an earthquake

   Guess we should have been more specific about wanting a government shake up..

   Breaking News: President Obama has just confirmed that the DC earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as "Bush's Fault".

   California is so broke, that earthquakes are moving now to the DC areas.....

   According to the latest news coming out of Martha's Vineyard, Obama is blaming Bush for the 5.9 magnitude earthquake in Mineral, VA!!!

   Fellas : not a day should go by that your lady doesn't hear she's beautiful .

   Women may be the only thing that are easier to pick up as they get heavier.