Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Guys, I know when people die they say to move on. I don't want that. Bury me in a time capsule and dig me up every 10 years. NEVER FORGET!

   As a social experiment next semester, I'm going to walk up to strangers and follow them.

   Hacking and coughing with this cold. If I hack up a lung can it be sold on the black market?

   No meal tastes as delicious as the meal that someone else cooks.

   in financial ruins.. well, i'm off to the mall to buy things that I don't need to make me feel better about my debt. :

   i dont know why but you must confuse me with someone who cares...

   If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

   likes reading FML stories because it makes my life seem Amazing!

   loves life; but life thinks we should see other people.

   "This isn't what it looks like" almost ALWAYS means "This is exactly what it looks like." Just sayin'...

   my therapist said maybe my intimidating beauty was the reason I never get asked out...so gaining weight & going bald will work??

   So, I've been told hard work is the key to success, but I'm not above picking a lock every now and then.

   a fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it did half the time.

   Weather Warning for Glendale, AZ tonight: Reigning Ducks........

   The next person that says asks me "Think we got enough snow?" shall be given an epic whitewash.

   Hey Facebook, is it possible to cram a few more ads on my "new" profile page?

   attention is the fuel that feeds immaturity.

   I wish comicbook disguises worked in real life. A pair of glasses would open some many possiblities for me.

   Perseverance is not a passive submission to circumstances , it's not passive endurance -it's a strong and actve response to difficult events of life...it's the quality on standing on your feet as you face the storms..it's not simply the attitude on facing

   always right, never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong.