Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If abortion is Murder, does that make condoms kidnapping?

   convinced God made mosquitos and flies just to watch us slap ourselves

   A teacher told me about a growing trend in the younger grades: banning erasers from class, so kids don't have to feel like they're wrong.

   Use this form for submissions only. Viola"No more Foreign Aid until every American is fed, clothed and has a home" I would vote for any man or woman that promised that...wouldn't care what color, religion or who he/she slept with....PERIOD!!

   not watching jersey shores!!!!!!

   I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. 

   Man is the only animal that has the True Religion – several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight.

   girl its your booty..not your beauty!!!!

   If I were rich I would be eccentric, but I'm not rich, so I'm just weird instead

   Irene knocked out my power and I suppose it wasnt the best idea to eat all of the food in my fridge before it goes bad. I just had some warm apple juice and icecream soup and now I am pregnant with a vicious food baby. I predict birth in about 20mins.

   You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.

   A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his.

   so...Is Will Smith movin' back in with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air?

   Here's an original idea: Invent a mirror that reflects the way others see you so you won't be blinded by your opinion of your reflection

   If anyone wants to donate money for Hurricane Irene, make check out to me, so I can assist beachfront bars in recovering from their loss of income. Cash is also accepted.

   Dear Jamie Lee "Stupid Liar Face" Curtis, I ate 32 Activia yogurts an hour ago and nothing has h

   Washing nylons in the sink makes me feel like the grown up lady I pictured when I was little

   If anyone is truly disappointed by the lack of destruction done by Irene, I will gladly come by & break all your sh*t & leave a few bruises.......

   I have learned one thing since joining Facebook - I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.

   "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!" - Sunday Brunch was delicious.