Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4536 of 6446

My life must be a circus. My family expects me to jump through hoops, the people I work with are clowns, I'm juggling career and personal life, and the whole darn thing is a balancing act!
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07-01-2011 23:07 by BEGO
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Keep looking my way, My head is held high! You wanna bring me down? I dare you to try!
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07-08-2011 23:05
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just saw George Washington advertised for deadliest warriors I think they're running out of warriors

If I see one more picture of how many degrees your vehicle says it is outisde...
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07-12-2011 17:50
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My girl and I are like oil and vinegar. We have to shake things up to make it work.
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07-15-2011 08:53 by Mick F
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A dentist married a manicurist, They fought tooth and nail.
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07-18-2011 10:56
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Would buy a big dog and pay a midget to ride it
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05-26-2011 16:21
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I'm seeing alot of lesbian couples with kids. This tells me that men needa start making better fathers than women. Quit slackin fellas.
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06-20-2011 02:32
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Admit It, At least once in your Life, You Have Tried To Squeeze your eyes Shut and Shoot Lasers Out of them With Intense Concentration.

Hurricane Irene threatens the East Coast of USA. If MTV won't cancel Jersey Shore, God will.

I'm laying on my Girlfriends yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I'm in "downward facing chalk outline" pose.

the closest thing we ever got to a 3D movie was my friends Donkey punching me while watching Rocky
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01-29-2011 09:18 by migasjoe
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can somebody fix my parents...they always say their broke
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05-15-2011 15:44
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Woke up feeling mean...the go and rent a ice cream truck, turn the music full blast and park it outside a weightwatchers meeting mean.
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01-29-2010 09:23
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Sometimes I wake up GRUMPY; other times I let her sleep.
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03-06-2010 05:47 by MG
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Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue.
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03-23-2010 20:07 by Joser
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I don't know whether to laugh at you or pity you

Call me the national guard then cause I wash mine before and after I piss..
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10-21-2010 13:08
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Women are like beer, some go down better then others..
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10-22-2010 20:17 by Wolf
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Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?
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11-05-2010 12:49
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