Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Parenthood is always saying the same thing over and over and over again expecting different results. Funny thing is, that's the same definition of insanity. Coincidence? I think not!
←Rate | 03-15-2016 05:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So looking forward to all the Easter weekend mattress sales.
←Rate | 03-20-2016 05:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to the Americans with Disabilities Act, Led Zeppelin has to build a ramp of a width of 36 inches next to their Stairway to Heaven
←Rate | 04-09-2016 18:28 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
←Rate | 04-13-2016 06:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "That'll do pig.. That'll do",,, is apparently not the reply to give when the wife asks how an outfit looks on her
←Rate | 04-28-2016 20:15 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who are these strange creatures and why are they calling me 'Mom?'
←Rate | 05-08-2016 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Getting stuff out of my wardrobe is like playing Jenga.
←Rate | 05-17-2016 00:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "With great b( . )( . )bs come great responsibility". JFK I think
←Rate | 06-05-2016 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The big boss held a staff meeting today. He said "Our employees are this company's most valuable asset!" So he's decided to sell us.
←Rate | 09-12-2013 16:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Snap chat expectation - naked ladies.....Snapchat reality - poo pics from your mates
←Rate | 09-14-2013 19:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the relationship hits the wall the douchebag deploys.
←Rate | 10-02-2013 04:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just wrote down all the cars I ever owned ........Now I have a bucket list
←Rate | 10-15-2013 12:26 by Josh Frazier Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just drank a 'coffee to go' while sitting. Screw the system!
←Rate | 10-25-2013 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to set the world on fire........just you.
←Rate | 10-26-2013 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You miss 64% of the shots you do take" - Dwight Howard's free throw coach
←Rate | 11-08-2013 20:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey girl. Your cleavage is not a YouTube video. More views doesn’t make it any better than the rest.
←Rate | 11-18-2013 13:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten, b*tch I will muzzle you.
←Rate | 11-18-2013 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of kids were upset when they found out Santa was not real, I was more creeped out the fact my parents made me take a picture sitting on a strangers lap and kept it for years.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:04 by Jmc Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are in a strip club getting a lap dance, burn your jeans afterwards.
←Rate | 11-29-2013 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I liked Carrie Underwood better when she made that deviled ham.
←Rate | 11-30-2013 12:06 by Makkel Dazzalairee Comments (0)  




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