Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4491 of 6446

Parenthood is always saying the same thing over and over and over again expecting different results. Funny thing is, that's the same definition of insanity. Coincidence? I think not!
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03-15-2016 05:34
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So looking forward to all the Easter weekend mattress sales.
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03-20-2016 05:43
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According to the Americans with Disabilities Act, Led Zeppelin has to build a ramp of a width of 36 inches next to their Stairway to Heaven
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04-09-2016 18:28 by Snotty
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If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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04-13-2016 06:04
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"That'll do pig.. That'll do",,, is apparently not the reply to give when the wife asks how an outfit looks on her
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04-28-2016 20:15 by Snotty
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Who are these strange creatures and why are they calling me 'Mom?'
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05-08-2016 08:15
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Getting stuff out of my wardrobe is like playing Jenga.
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05-17-2016 00:45
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"With great b( . )( . )bs come great responsibility". JFK I think
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06-05-2016 01:26
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The big boss held a staff meeting today. He said "Our employees are this company's most valuable asset!" So he's decided to sell us.
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09-12-2013 16:46
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Snap chat expectation - naked ladies.....Snapchat reality - poo pics from your mates
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09-14-2013 19:46
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When the relationship hits the wall the douchebag deploys.
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10-02-2013 04:49
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just wrote down all the cars I ever owned ........Now I have a bucket list

Just drank a 'coffee to go' while sitting. Screw the system!
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10-25-2013 10:18
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I don't want to set the world on fire........just you.
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10-26-2013 07:27
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"You miss 64% of the shots you do take" - Dwight Howard's free throw coach
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11-08-2013 20:39
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Hey girl. Your cleavage is not a YouTube video. More views doesn’t make it any better than the rest.
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11-18-2013 13:08
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Once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten, b*tch I will muzzle you.
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11-18-2013 13:12
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A lot of kids were upset when they found out Santa was not real, I was more creeped out the fact my parents made me take a picture sitting on a strangers lap and kept it for years.
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11-19-2013 17:04 by Jmc
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If you are in a strip club getting a lap dance, burn your jeans afterwards.
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11-29-2013 02:52
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I liked Carrie Underwood better when she made that deviled ham.