Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Never fall in love with an a$$ man, unless you're prepared to offer him the moon.

   Love one, forget many.Do many, remember one.

   Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

   I see they now have a candle scent called "Maple Butter". Nice, but "Maple Butter with Bacon" would be oh so much better.

   Peace & quiet are fundamental and necessary for a short time each and every day :)

   well if you need more space then join NASA baby.

   It's kind of like comparing bermuda shorts and capri pants... both are cute, but those few extra inches make a world of difference...

   I know I love you because I fight most with the people I love – is the biggest bullsh*t ever.

   Being paranoid doesn't mean you're wrong

   There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need a lawyer and bail money.

   one question: Exactly how long are your parents going to hide your acceptance letter from Hogwarts?

   Shagged this model who works for Abercrombie & Fitch last night... She was amazing, them new mannequins are so realistic!

   Well'p just saw my fb friend count go down a notch... I wonder if it's something I might have said....

   Giving up is the easiest thing you could ever do But holding it together when everything else falls apart thats true strength

   Just discovered there is a level of sadness where happy songs are way more depressing than sad songs.

   If a girl says, "I've never done this before" add that time to 20 more times to see what you dealing with.

   electric toy trains and breasts are very similar...both were made for children but it's dad who can't keep his hands off!

   You are your biggest enemy. Don't defeat yourself.

   do they name cyclones after women because it comes, takes all your stuff and leaves

   thinking that I need to go home and rest my conscience