Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Now it makes sense why the White House refuses to co-operate with the trial.

   Back in 11th grade, a guy bugged me about his getting 10 times more girls than I got. I didn't care since 10x0 was still 0.

   Lets send the coronavirus tiger to Carole Baskin

   You're traveling thru another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of dough, ricotta and mozzarella. Your next stop, the Twilight Calzone.

   Wonder if the cure to the Coronavirus can be found in the Tupperware container in the back of my refrigerator?

   Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be looters. Because the mamas who let their babies grow up to be cowboys are gonna have them kick your babies' sorry a$$es.

   I called the book store and asked for some new book I had heard about on improving one's s€x life. The clerk said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." I go, "Yep, that's the one!"

   Fun Fact: In the year 2020, 4/20 will be an entire month.

   Plaid shirt guy for 2020!

   Everytime I do something dumb, I just remind myself that at least I don't believe in a imaginary guy named 'Q' who can do anything in this world. That always makes me feel better.

   Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small, and some are fake.

   "We do not consider Melania's speech to be plagarism....As there was no intent to plagarism" - FBI Director Comey

   I ate so many Mcdonalds breakfast sandwiches this morning I'm turning into a stud McMuffin.

   New Job For Kellyanne Conway: Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.

   The Monk's "Nice Legs, Shame About your Face" is trump's favorite song about selecting a Senior Counselor for his administration ... and third wives.

   What burns Donald Trump more, losing the Trumpcare bill or his herpes that he referred to as his "personal Vietnam"?

   Fringe benefits??? And all these years i've been going around like a moron saying "French Benefits"...

   checking my Myspace account....wishing Tom a Happy New year. Anyone remembers where the sign-off button is at?

   "Most of my friends are guys" means you have a line of dudes who are clandestinely trying to bone you.

   I bet there was a lot of red solo cups used last night