Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   REMEMBER: a noisy BBQ may upset your neighbours. Another great way to annoy them is to throw your rubbish into their garden...

   My parents should be proud of me.. Because I'm addicted to Facebook and not drugs.. (^_^)

   So, the Phoenix Suns are going to have "Los Suns" on their jerseys for the next game. I think that "el esquema de marketing" would be more appropriate.

   Yes, I know the muffin man, Why who wants to know?

   afraid of yellow crayons.

   likes waking up after a nap and finding out theres a whole night to go with that kinky dream!"

   ..what makes Monday mornings so tolerable is my favourite mug filled with coffee and familiar faces filled with gossip..

   so I was at a bar and saw a really hot girl, I decided to play it cute and went up to her with a corny pick up line. "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put you and I together." She looked at me disgusted and said, "Let's leave it the way it is wit

   never play leapfrog with a unicorn

   going to a BBQ as a vegetarian, which is a bit like the Pope going to a brothel. He knows he's going to have a great time, but he's going to feel really guilty and weird about it

   This status was sent from inside the Channel Tunnel. Try that on your precious iPhones.

   I like the new "like" button to "like" someone's response to a status they possibly "like." So, like, when can they add a dis-"like" button? You know, like to use on this status.

   Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

   if you have a two-four or a sixty-pounder then come up here to Canada cause we could always use another hoser to party with, we'll have some poutine and maybe we'll even catch a beaver if you're lucky eh? HAPPY CANADA DAY!

   To aid in the demolition of his image, LeBron James said he was enlisting a "dream team of experts," including Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and BP CEO Tony Hayward

   Google is really an undercover gambling addiction hence clicking "I'm Feeling Lucky" compulsively.

   Pop Rocks and Condoms! All I can say is WOW!

   So, if you are deaf and mute but you have psychic ability, would you have a sixth sense or a fourth one?

   Your follicles are ugly! Your roots are a joke! I have seen better parts in a mechanic shop!!...Oops sorry, I was teasing my hair.

   always right and never wrong. The only time I thought I was wrong was when I thought I was wrong but I wasn't - I was right!!