Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just met a lot of people who will corner the market on coal this Christmas.

   wondering how she can go forward when she doesn't know which way she's facing

   ok the sneakers are on, the treadmill is unfolded but I am having a hard time to put the the two togeather!!!!

   ive just booked a table for me and the missus for valentines day, should be a nice surprise, dont think shes played snooker before

   If you were a birdwatcher, would you prefer a Swift or Swallow?

   What do you think is the best Social Networking tool? Facebook? Twitter? Orkut? ... I say BEER! Yep, that's right. There's no other medium that makes friends bond as much as beer does....

   Apparently I drank enough purple juice to make me believe I could crip walk across the dance floor last night.

   Whats the purpose of a camouflage Snuggie? Do you plan on going to war with your AK-47 and your trusty snuggie? Look it has sleeves so you can shoot your self!!

   I gots to say nothing turns me on more then looking at some of these pics on facebook of these chicks flippin the bird....I mean its so dang sexy...Its the kinda pic you can show your grandkids and tell them thats how you fell for their grandma..

   wondering if anybody can send me some energy... not farmville energy .. or not frontierville energy.. just plain body energy

   Today I heard that song where the dogs bark Jingle Bells. I must admit those are some pretty talented canines. I've been working on that song with my dog for two years straight and he still gets mixed up during the third verse. He's not the brightest.

   laughing at the people on ugliesttattoos.com

   PSA: Just remember fellas, if you are sleeping in some other dude's house, just realize, the one who sleeps closest to the door is most likely to catch the first bullet!

   I hate auto flush sh*tters. All that work without being able to see the result just seems like a waste.

   going to hide were even Dora cant find me

   The morning after the night before is always the next day.

   "And they lived happily ever after" is just another way of saying "they are in denial."

   somehow dressing up in spandex and my underwear seemed like such a great idea when I was a kid. Tried it today, if anybody needs me I will be in the Pysche Ward for the next two weeks.

   It is always seems to be "Enter some random family member" week or another. Who the hell makes up this schedule and where is it posted? I'm starting to think this crap is just made up.

   There's a small child trying to talk to me right now. Quick! What should I do??