Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   sooo not a control freak - I just happen to know what is best for everyone else and how they should be doing it!

   my field of dreams would be a football field built in a field barley made into beer to serve free of charge at the games.

   What do you think is the best Social Networking tool? Facebook? Twitter? Orkut? ... I say BEER! Yep, that's right. There's no other medium that makes friends bond as much as beer does....

   Apparently I drank enough purple juice to make me believe I could crip walk across the dance floor last night.

   Whats the purpose of a camouflage Snuggie? Do you plan on going to war with your AK-47 and your trusty snuggie? Look it has sleeves so you can shoot your self!!

   I gots to say nothing turns me on more then looking at some of these pics on facebook of these chicks flippin the bird....I mean its so dang sexy...Its the kinda pic you can show your grandkids and tell them thats how you fell for their grandma..

   wondering if anybody can send me some energy... not farmville energy .. or not frontierville energy.. just plain body energy

   Today I heard that song where the dogs bark Jingle Bells. I must admit those are some pretty talented canines. I've been working on that song with my dog for two years straight and he still gets mixed up during the third verse. He's not the brightest.

   For sale: A horse. Will consider trade for a kingdom.

   There is actually a "man vs wild alabama". Bear said "this is going to be one of my toughest challenges ever". He's obvously seen "deliverance".

   If Facebook was a job everybody would b rich

   A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn.

   Interesting Fact: Put two straws in your mouth: one inside a drink and one outside it. You won't be able to drink through either straw. Try it!

   There's a small child trying to talk to me right now. Quick! What should I do??

   Glad I got boobs to catch food. Much rather do laundry than use a papertowel.

   There's three ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way and the way that I do it.

   If plungers could talk, you wouldn't own one.

   I'm glad Facebook will never tell you, "Not tonight I have a headache!"

   people keep saying I'm not " with it and keep living in the past " screw them I'm off to play on my commodore 64 while I eat a marathon bar

   I dont think of myself as a dumb person. I think of myself as a smart blonde.