Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apparently I drank enough purple juice to make me believe I could crip walk across the dance floor last night.

   Whats the purpose of a camouflage Snuggie? Do you plan on going to war with your AK-47 and your trusty snuggie? Look it has sleeves so you can shoot your self!!

   I gots to say nothing turns me on more then looking at some of these pics on facebook of these chicks flippin the bird....I mean its so dang sexy...Its the kinda pic you can show your grandkids and tell them thats how you fell for their grandma..

   wondering if anybody can send me some energy... not farmville energy .. or not frontierville energy.. just plain body energy

   Today I heard that song where the dogs bark Jingle Bells. I must admit those are some pretty talented canines. I've been working on that song with my dog for two years straight and he still gets mixed up during the third verse. He's not the brightest.

   laughing at the people on ugliesttattoos.com

   PSA: Just remember fellas, if you are sleeping in some other dude's house, just realize, the one who sleeps closest to the door is most likely to catch the first bullet!

   I hate auto flush sh*tters. All that work without being able to see the result just seems like a waste.

   going to hide were even Dora cant find me

   The morning after the night before is always the next day.

   "And they lived happily ever after" is just another way of saying "they are in denial."

   somehow dressing up in spandex and my underwear seemed like such a great idea when I was a kid. Tried it today, if anybody needs me I will be in the Pysche Ward for the next two weeks.

   It is always seems to be "Enter some random family member" week or another. Who the hell makes up this schedule and where is it posted? I'm starting to think this crap is just made up.

   There's a small child trying to talk to me right now. Quick! What should I do??

   Glad I got boobs to catch food. Much rather do laundry than use a papertowel.

   There's three ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way and the way that I do it.

   If plungers could talk, you wouldn't own one.

   I'm glad Facebook will never tell you, "Not tonight I have a headache!"

   people keep saying I'm not " with it and keep living in the past " screw them I'm off to play on my commodore 64 while I eat a marathon bar

   I dont think of myself as a dumb person. I think of myself as a smart blonde.