Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon cmon now, lets be serious...noone would be stupid enough to catch a grenade for anyone.
←Rate | 01-23-2011 07:20 by ayden Comments (0)  


   messageicon I run 3-4 miles a day being a crook keeps me in shape... Cops are on the way ttyl!!
←Rate | 08-12-2010 13:37 by @steady Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinkin'....HEY! Guy on the Orajel commercial...Orajel is not to be substitued for seeing an 'actual' dentist....if your tooth is achin' for that long... it's probably rotting out of your mouth...and you might need to get that checked out....
←Rate | 08-21-2010 21:34 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sow your wild oats on Saturday night; then on Sunday, pray for crop failure
←Rate | 10-25-2010 10:33 by KLA Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any man who does that should be Hung!" The man slowly took a sip of his beer then quietly replied... "I am,......and that's why she is happy to mow the lawn.
←Rate | 10-27-2010 13:33 Comments (2)  


   messageicon My mom and I were playing "Call of Duty" the other day.... I was calling her to check if she was doing the cleaning, cooking, and ironing
←Rate | 11-13-2010 15:45 by @KevinAFord Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hopefully Kate Middleton knows that being decapitated for not producing a male heir is part of the deal.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 14:11 Comments (1)  


   messageicon wondering why I can put my "two cents in" but I only get "a penny for my thoughts." I suspect I might be getting ripped off...
←Rate | 04-06-2010 23:21 by QueenBee404 Comments (0)  


   messageicon listen up men, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. This time we are sure she's a woman, right?
←Rate | 04-15-2010 03:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
←Rate | 05-29-2010 21:28 by @rush1oc Comments (0)  


   messageicon The smoke alarm just went off....dinners ready!
←Rate | 06-17-2010 12:47 by bubba Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishing that the gnomes would return my stuff!
←Rate | 08-12-2009 04:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks mother nature is bi-polar
←Rate | 11-05-2009 16:33 by ragoo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe theirs more than one way to skin a cat!!! but the cat wont like any one of them
←Rate | 12-15-2009 13:23 by chronic Iam Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Only Crimson Tide A Longhorn Fan is Afraid of Comes Once A Month From His Wife Or Girlfriend!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon illegal touching, number 7 Offense.
←Rate | 10-17-2010 14:23 by The Fred Comments (0)  


   messageicon In 5 years there will be no such thing as a baby gender - scan? You'll have to wait until it's 10 years old for it to tell you if it's a boy or a girl!
←Rate | 09-29-2018 07:44 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "HI I'M GUILTY BUT I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY MY WAY OUT" like settling your rape case for $850,000
←Rate | 11-19-2016 08:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon SIERRA, ECHO ,NOVEMBER,DELTA NOVEMBER UNIFORM DELTA ECHO SIERRA .
←Rate | 12-22-2016 17:28 Comments (1)  


   messageicon During the election Syria financialy supported 2 groups... 1SlS and the Clinton campaign.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 17:04 Comments (0)  




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