Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I watch truTV and CSI so much that I even wipe my fingerprints off the remote after I turn off the TV.

   There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

   Facebook doesn't need a "dislike" button what it needs is a " noody effin cares" or get over yourself your really not that special button"

   I can't help but laugh at that Shake Weight commercial. If you've seen it, you know exactly why

   getting a tattoo of Tattoo from Fantasy Island.

   The gov't shut down hurts all the way to the top. Today, Obama could only afford to play mini golf...

   Anti-psychotics, but for religious fanatics.

   Let me get this straight... People who believed President Obama was born in Kenya and that there would be FEMA camps, and that Hillary ran a child sex ring from a pizza joint.... are SKEPTICAL of US intelligence.

   Trump should really try harder to get his message out to the younger generations, especially since one of them will eventually be his fourth wife...

   I ate too much salad over the weekend so I'm going on an Oreo cleanse today.

   Dropped a piece of ice in the kitchen. Kicked it under the fridge...

   I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh!t a better argument then that!!

   Breaking: Michelle Bachmann calls for immediate release of US Predator drone pilots downed by Iran......

   whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously has never sold weed

   My car is leaking oil. Can I blame BP?

   Team Edward? Team Jacob? How about Team Dracula you pansies!!!!

   wondering why people say HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT like I am the piolet or something.

   What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?

   If roses are red and violets are blue, then what colour is violet?

   an appetite for destruction...and he is starving this week