Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
told my girlfriend .. "if you ever want to try anal sex, I'll be behind you all the way"!! 
Paul Walker .....starring in his most realistic performance yet ... "Fast and the Furious Fire 8, The Final Splat".
Dear gym addicts, We don't care if it's leg day, chest day or arm day. Today is get a life day. Yours sincerely, The rest of the world
more bars in more places.
Silence Is golden, Duct tape is sliver
Who's the biggest prostitute in history...Ms. Pacman...for 10 cents that slut swallowed balls till she died....
I spend 90% of my time online waiting for password reset emails
Easter, the day Jesus slapped YOLO in the face
Bathtubs 2, Browns 0
I am glad I am American, and I am glad that I am free, but I wish I was a dog, and Obama was a tree.
Dear Facebook.. A new sidebar chat?? seriously?? if I wanna chat I use msn.. if I wanna video chat I use skype.. so STOP IT ALREADY!!!!!!
the akward moment when you are at a funeral and your phone rings.. you ring tone is "I will survive".
oral sex is a lot like smoking a cigarette...the flavor gets stronger the closer you get to the butt....
This morning, due to a massive storm, at least 150,000 people in San Francisco were left without power. Of course, people in San Francisco without power are usually called Republicans.
The "necessity" that is Planned Parenthood, in all actuality, stemmed from Unplanned Parenting In The Hood.
I happened upon a KKK rally. I said, "The only races you rednecks recognize are Indy and Daytona."
Obama = Winning
America invades a country and everyone starts flipping out, Russia invades Ukraine and no one says a word.
When I have a tough decision, I ask myself... "What would Jesus do?" Then, I remember how things turned out for him... And, flip a coin.
I feel like punching baby kittens, whenever I see ungrateful douchebags yell at their smartphone, because it's taking more than a minute to upload something….YOU'RE GETTING A SIGNAL FROM SPACE…GIVE IT A MINUTE… 