Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   <----plans on spending a quiet evening indoors with the only woman who never let's me down!.....Stella Artois! ツ

   I just posted my suicide note on Facebook. It already has 120 likes.

   Dear Karma, Thanks for letting the air out of my @$$hole neighbors tires.....

   The Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.

   Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream.. but Leonardo Dicaprio had a dream inside a dream inside a dream.

   the best halloween treat a woman could ask for.

   I can't decide whether The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie.

   They say that if a guy has big feet it means that he has a big pen!s. That just makes the thought of being raped by clowns even scarier.

   Bama VS LSU.......Up for Bama..........Down for LSU

   Excuse me, teenage girl? You're not"cool and outspoken" when you go up to random people and say things like,"I hate your haircut," or "Your style is bad," You're a b!tch who deliberately hurts people's feelings in an attempt to get attention.

   Duct tape and bungee cords on someone's car says "watch out, I definitely don't have any insurance"

   Teacher: "Why are you late? Student: "I'm late?" Teacher: "You just missed an entire period" Student: "Are you telling me I'm pregnant?"

   What I expect to see when I pull back the shower curtain: 99% Murderer waiting to kill me. 1% Empty shower

   Spongebob: "Can you hear me?" Patrick: "No, It's too dark."

   hearing sirens.... They're must be a new batch at dunkin donuts

   Ambulances & Fire Trucks would be more effective if they played "Move B*ich Get Out The Way" by Ludacris instead of a siren!

   Well, I'd like to help… but not as much as I'd like not to

   Me? Stalk? Nah, I just observe... behind a tree... at night..in the rain

   Dear children, When you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.

   What's on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし what you remember: __________