Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   No honey you are not fat. You are just too sexy that it overflows.

   I have the ability to get wasted and function at the office appropriately the next day... it's my super power.

   It must have been very awkward for the guy who invented the tampon when he had to explain his invention to everyone else.

   The less people you chill with, the less drama you deal with.

   Some relationships are like birthday cakes...Once the 'cake' has been eaten the party is over.

   Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.

   You call it an invitation to your wedding. I call it an invitation to free food and alcohol.

   Some guy at work just asked me if I was homosexual. His exact words were "Do you like Twilight?"

   As a comedian, people don't care about you until you speak, then they like you. As a model it's the opposite.

   Don't ask to use my Phone, and then start going through my photos, contacts, messages and call history, unless you want to meet God before I do.

   Without coffee and alcohol, we'd all hate each other a whole lot more.

   I'll admit it, the ring girls are one of the main reasons I watch boxing.

   Think before you speak, and do not speak all that you think.

   Man kneeling by the bed, Wife says,"What are you praying for? " Husband says: "Guidance. " Wife says, "Pray for stiffness, I'll guide the damn thing myself!"

   All fun things are taxed... and there is even a tax on sex... it's called children.

   FACT: If Osama Bin Laden hid where I hide my porn, he would still be alive today.

   Don't judge me unless you can show me your acceptance letter to heaven.

   Twilight did to vampires what Brokeback Mountain did to cowboys.

   I'm proud of every woman I've ever had sex with. I don't regret any of you.

   Think inside the box. The best ideas happen during sex.