Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   President Trump should act more presidential. Instead of ignoring reporters, he should do what our current president does, and BANS THEM from the press conferences..

   It is in the best interest of the United Sates to have better relations with Russia because Russian women are HOT!!!!

   No more wet foot, dry foot for the Cubans #obamasfarewell

   I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.

   Well .... My wife said she wanted a cat and I didn't, so we compromised and got a cat.

   Be Yourself. Unless you are a jerk; in which case pretend to be someone else.

   when I was 5 years old my teacher asked if I wanted to take the class guinea pig home ;.. 7 months later I arrived in the African republic of Guinea .

   I think I can beat up a group of ninjas. According to the movies, they must attack you one at a time while everyone else rocks back and forth in a absurd manner. So I think I have a chance!!!!

   All Slip and Fall classes will be cancelled after the Inauguration.

   If you're constantly sharing old memories on Facebook, does that mean you can't let go of your past?

   Happy Trumpmas Eve!

   "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun on my phone? I know you not suppose to look at the sun, but how about a picture?" - My wife

   what? Donald Trump is the president??? (people without internet)

   I don't get why all these people are saying "Not My Precedent!" Do they share a shameful past?

   Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable

   If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren't there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?

   Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as identical twins in zebras?

   Beyonce should really stick it to Trump by going ahead with the abortion

   Sure, Lady Gaga just put on an amazing show, but she's no 3 Doors Down.

   Don't blame me, I voted for Calvin Coolidge.