Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can't wait to see my girlfriends face in 12 days when I tell her I'm done playing black ops. I'm going to let the happiness soak in for about 2 minutes then turn on modern ware fare 3.

   Layaway season is back! Yessssssss!

   if you're happy & you know it, shut the hell up.

   When a couple is so much in love, they are called LOVE BIRDS. When a couple always argues and fight, they are called ANGRY BIRDS.

   When your girlfriend asks you "Do I look fat?", the correct response is "Do I look stupid?"

   if a quiz is quizzical, what's a test!!

   piece be with you, especially if it's ass

   it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it's ok you're in the right place :)"

   i heard a noise last night, so I got up and peered through the gap in the curtains and yep, sure enough, there she was just stepping into the bath.

   Whoever convinced these singers that they can automatically crossover to acting must be shot.

   Welcome back home Kim. You tried to fight it, but once you go black, you never go back.

   hitting my " like " button makes you ten times more attractive

   The power went out, so I'm taking my shower by LED flashlight, just like they did in the olden days.

   I know we are new lovers who hooked up just recently and all but you have to stop calling me at 2 in the morning. Who besides stalkers wants to 'talk' at 2am?

   Glad the Facebook redesign helped distract you from everything actually wrong with your life

   *finds out crush isn't at school today* "Damn, I wasted an outfit."

   80% of the time, I hate my life... the other 20% of the time i'm unconscious.

   I don't deal well with good-byes. I'm better with good-riddances.

   Pat's Wednesday entertanment..... Giving several extra flushes when I hear someone in the stall on their cell phone.........

   Leftover Chinese food makes a damn fine breakfast.