Aaron Funny Status Messages

   dude, where's my government

   It's hard to maintain good eye contact with a cute pedestrian once she slips beneath your wheel.

   Squirrels - Nature's Speedbumps

   Laying on my TV watching the couch. I needed to switch things up a bit.

   fact: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once

   Kilometers are shorter than miles. So I'll be taking my next trip in kilometers to try and save some gas.

   I beg your pardon. I didn't recognize you. I've changed a lot.

   # # When it comes to poker...a good deal depends on a good deal.

   Before drinking an "energy drink", pause to consider this: How are you going to use that extra energy to better serve Christ?

   (status update from the future) RIP everyone.

   Call off the search for Waldo. I think this large man on the bus, wearing a red and white striped hat, ate him.

   Sometimes when a person tells you "I've got your back..." they forget to add "...in my crosshairs."

   What I just did in that bathroom was so tragic that when I walked out, a Native American turned his head as a tear rolled down his cheek.

   [tears open envelope] It's here! It's *really* here! The expressed written consent of the National Football League!

   When dressing up for Halloween, disguise the limit.

   save your breath.... You'll need it to blow up your date!

   Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

   I had a thought, then it smiled and waved goodbye.

   yo mamma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid

   bankruptcy spelled with one "oh sh*t" or two?