Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Just wondering, did we complete the whole deck of terrorist cards now? 
they are burrying him at sea? they should've burried him alive in the american sewer system
Trump: OBL is still alive...he is in a cave in the Tora Bora Mountains with Obama's Kenyan birth certificate
Marc Savard, Sidney Crosby and now Osama Bin Laden when are these head shots going to end?!
Noticed that the news companies seem to be trying to out-do each other: 1: BBC goes on about a Royal Wedding. 2: CNN bangs on about Bin Laden's death. 3: BBC announces terrorists caught outside Sellerfield Nuclear storage. 4: Just waiting on Fox news now.
having a romantic KFC supper ... I will even let her lick the grease off my fingers .. :D
Just found out my "Sleep Number" is good Old Number 7 good ole Jack Daniels
If you are dreaming of being on the same level with me, you better wake up and apologize!
Finally, a funeral the Westboro Baptist Church can protest and no one will care about it...
Fortune Cookie: "Your life will be happy and peaceful." Dear Cookie, What drugs are you on, we should share
XBox muppets may be laughing at us PS3 owners but at least we won't have to buy new consoles when the network's back up. No red circle of death for us.
Guess I've been doing too much laundry lately. My kid pointed out a pink car and all I could think was, "huh.. someone must have thrown a red car in the wash with it"
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's that have touched my life and an unhappy one to all the Motherf#*ckers that I encounter everyday!
Dear Vanilla Ice, how does one rock a mic like a Vandal? By sacking Rome?
They say laughing adds 15 minutes to your life... So try not to smile
wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said!!
if a fly could stop all its nonesense I think it could produce honey
was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
Doctor/Hosptial shows are all the same.. He's going into Cardiac Arrest! Commercial.. Oh wait it was only gas, He's having a Seizure! Commercial, Oh wait he was only masterbating."
what happens in vegas,stays in vegas..except for herpes 