Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the best part of sunny days is not having to read about everyone complaining about the weather

   If you ever cause me to go to jail, I will slap the soap out of your hands...

   non-stop coverage of the royal wedding in the US! The news acts like we are a former English colony or something...

   Hey, hustler on the corner... you know what drug I would buy from you? Claritin-D 24... but you never have any.

   Ukrainian Mail-Order Brides is the way to go

   Please allow me to illustrate my point: .

   I bet when the guy who wrote the Seinfeld bass theme is feeling blue, he gets out his bass and plays that riff.

   don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

   Osama Bin Laden, World Hide and Seek Champ since 2001, Well played Sir.....

   Its official..Obama IS black... he finally killed someone.

   Wait, since Bin Laden's dead, who will protect us from the Jersey Shore??

   I Propose Osama Be Buried Under The White House Lawn And A Memorial Stating That If You Mess With The Best You Die Like The Rest!

   Scary thought but Kate Middleton and Osama now have something in common. Only a few days apart they both received a shot in the dark.:)

   Just wondering, did we complete the whole deck of terrorist cards now?

   they are burrying him at sea? they should've burried him alive in the american sewer system

   Trump: OBL is still alive...he is in a cave in the Tora Bora Mountains with Obama's Kenyan birth certificate

   Marc Savard, Sidney Crosby and now Osama Bin Laden when are these head shots going to end?!

   Noticed that the news companies seem to be trying to out-do each other: 1: BBC goes on about a Royal Wedding. 2: CNN bangs on about Bin Laden's death. 3: BBC announces terrorists caught outside Sellerfield Nuclear storage. 4: Just waiting on Fox news now.

   having a romantic KFC supper ... I will even let her lick the grease off my fingers .. :D

   Just found out my "Sleep Number" is good Old Number 7 good ole Jack Daniels