Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Listen, I don't take my clothes off for anyone, even if it IS "artistic."

   With so many interceptions you'd think we were watching Brett Favre play.

   Looks like Mr. T and Flav O Flav had a baby and he is one of the Black Eyed Peas!!

   too avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.

   This just in.. Governor Mary Fallin has just signed legislation naming the penguin as the new State Bird of Oklahoma...

   went to the head office of the RSPCA its so tiny you couldn,t swing a cat in there

   I'm celebrating Egypt's freedom by eating the top of the food pyramid all day.

   Sorry folks, Have to RUN, my parole office is knocking on my apartment door..........

   Lady Gaga hatched from an egg... has a hard shell like backside and horns beginning to grow out of her forehead... I think maybe she was born to be a dinosaur.

   Then God made Saturn, and He liked it so much he put a ring on it.

   Okay, which one of you single ladies wants to have casual valentine's sex with me tonight?

   Chocolate..✔,.Strawberries..✔,.Whipped Cream..✔,....now just need my Valentine!!

   I've only got a couple more years in my "fat stage of life" before I start getting refer'd to as the "fat friend"

   PLEASE NOTE... Facebook has changed its News Feed, so that by default, you can only see updates from people you've recently interacted with! To change this, click on the arrow next to 'Most Recent', then 'Edit Options', and check the box to receive updat

   in charge of fixing dinner tonight, and I want to get home and open that jar of peanut butter so it can breathe.

   I don't understand the point of the Shake Weight; if you need weights, wouldn't you already jiggle enough???

   Presidents Day is just another Monday I'm celebrating Sarah Palin not being president

   Dear snow, I think you're lost. Alaska is a different way.

   Oh Mylanta!

   walking and waiting for the Hawaiian Tropic tour bus to come by and ask me to be their oil boy.