Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   muliple personality disorder and schizophrenia. No we don't.....WHO SAID THAT?!!!

   Income tax-time is when you test your powers of deduction.

   Fending off spidermonkeys with a stick

   as anxious as a biker in front of a Toyota

   Her personal problems can only be solved using high explosives.

   Your girlfriend should get an Oscar for all that acting she does in the bedroom.

   I like my women like I like my coffee.... I don't like coffee

   his boss must think he's very motivational as he told me that everyone says they have to work twice as hard whenever I'm around.

   I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face

   Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable

   knows he just got screwed but can`t remember where and how...??

   ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to farmville sydrome and turn you into a annoying tool

   wonders if retail stores in Afghanistan have a hard time taking inventory because of the tally ban.

   thinks that this is finally some "change" we can believe in............failing!

   just went to the book store to buy a wheres wally book. when I got there I couldn't find him anywhere. well played wally, well played

   thinks his disco stick is available for riding on but is not 100% sure what a disco stick even is

   Got bit by a mental patient tonight at work. This may be my last message that makes sense, as I am starting to believe the CIA is watching everyhting I type and that these voices are pretty cool to hang out with.

   trying to figure out this "cook book of life". I got the ingredients... I just dont know the recipe.

   "Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes r washed away wid tears."

   thinks there is nothing worse than accidently sitting on your reeses peanut butter cup at the beginning of your work shift.