Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the limit of the variable approaching perfection.

   s eating out.... At home. ;-)

   kissed a girl, and he liked it...and blames Katy Perry for his imprisonment. She didn't say anything about asking permission.

   someone needs to tell PETA that the White House is a "NO FLY ZONE".

   anyone who says it's as easy as taking candy from a baby, has never tried taking candy from a baby!

   just got his swine flu shot. It's made with real bits of swine, so you know it's good.

   was going to stop procrastinating and be productive today but I think I'll do that later. ;o)

   In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide!! " linkin Park - New Divide"

   hacked into Santa's computer,cleared the naughty list out..and has changed "coal" under Present List to "PS3""Wii" and "iphone".

   if you can't beat 'em............RUN

   Some people were born just to take up space like the first slice of bread in a loaf.

   Can someone explain cheese to me? Who smelled vomit and feet and asked "can I get that on a cracker?"

   has been texting so much today that now I move my thumbs from side to side when I'm actually talking to someone.

   just watched a show about a person who was addicted to pizza. I believe the technical name for this condition is "normal."

   I'm not pefect.. but gezzz....Have you seen my competition?

   Count to ten before the lightning strikes, if days are dark find something that's bright. Different colors paint a picture of our lives, just close your eyes!

   I can charm any mother....it's getting the daughter that is the tricky part....

   thinking about Autotuning our building's tornado warning announcement lady

   the Chairman for the Frostbite Falls Society of Wildlife Conversation. Well, somebody's gonna have to start talking about these things.

   you better check yourself... before you wreck yourself.