Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A new Psychology study reveals that 1 out of every 100 black midgets don't know what Willis is talking about!!

   The problem with you young and dumb fellas is that you treating the females you loving with the same kind of respect that you treat the ones that you are just screwing.

   Scientists now can grow a urethra with seed cells from a boy's bladder; before using urinary parts from pigs' bladders caused patients to "go wee wee wee all the way home."

   as a male I get offended when a girl asks me if I have abs..thats kinda like me asking a woman what size are her titts ..

   I had to use a payphone the other day and when I put the receiver to my ear, it was like there was jelly on it. Well that's what it tasted like.

   Just remember... If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!

   Honestly, I'd hit Anderson Cooper too if I had the chance.

   RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.

   If you have VIP in ur license plate you are a douchebag. If you have VIP in the license plate of ur 1996 Toyota Corolla you r a delusional douchebag

   My biggest fear is that my legs will go to sleep while I'm going poop then stand up, collapse and get knocked out. Then I'd be found on the floor naked and sh!tty...

   i need to find cinderella because I'm tired of running into her stuck-up cant take a joke high maintence sisters

   I have not yet begun to procrastinate

   Intelligence Report: Pakistan may have contributed in housing and hiding Bin Laden. Did it really take an Intelligence Report to figure this out?

   I had a thought, then it smiled and waved goodbye.

   saw a guy pick pocket a dwarf today. I thought how could he stoop so low?

   I have received many kind wishes for my birthday and want to thank all those who have called, sent FB messages,texts or e-mails they are really appreciated. Special thanks to my wife for renting the Aunt Bee costume and rubber sheets for my bed time gift

   Just seen the Facebook group: "I wish my laptop had unlimited battery".What, a plug?

   Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happend.

   Sexual abuse by clergy, it's not just for Catholics anymore.

   I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.