Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the coolest thing since string cheese

   there have been about 514 leap years since Ceaser created it in 45BC. Without the extra day every 4 years today would be July 28th, 2013. Also, the Mayan calendar did not account for leap year....so technically the world should have ended 7 months ago.

   And here's another question I would love all you pro abortion people to answer, if a fetus is not a human life as you contend, how the hell does planned parenthood harvest and sell human organs from one?

   The kids down the street have challenged me to a water fight...I'm just updating my status whilst I wait for the kettle to boil

   Whoever made the ''One loyal Girlfriend is worth more than one hundred hoes'' post has never been with a prostitute...

   CANADA - Crying About Never Actually Defeating Americans 

   playing music for the hearing impaired.

   'This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read it without the word dog!'

   What do you call a woman who doesn't think she belongs in the kitchen? Divorced.

   Dear God, Lets make a trade. Ryan Dunn for Justin Bieber? Love, Everyone.

   Dear Religion, This week I safely dropped a man from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school. Your pal, Science.

   News update! "Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery!"

   I remember September 11th like it was yesterday.

   I do not look back, the past is over, what's done is done, I thank god for what his given me and ask him to guide my ways towards a life of happiness ♥

   Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea... if you add commas.

   Someone should tell all the police officers, teachers, firefighters and military people that apparently the *real* heroes are gays that go public.

   DNC motto " The tacos and africans are just dumb enough to vote for us"

   Why are we surprised? Trump won't even accept the results of his own hairline.

   I’m afraid of a world run by people who were never spanked as a kid and given a trophy just for participating.

   the only thing that keeps water from being a ho is the 2