Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   bout to go save the world............it's the only place with chocolate

   you learn alot about one's Backbone, Mainly when they say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

   busy filling water balloons with fire hoses.

   If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

   not been this broke since he went carol singing with the Tourettes Association

   thinking about the similarities between men and soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

   I like "glass half full" type of people. Unless they're working behind the bar.

   There is something significant about being the first to use a fresh new toilet paper roll

   If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

   Computers are so advanced that they are almost human; well, except for the fact that they don't blame their mistakes on other computers.

   All I want is to find a cool person to hang out with until I drop dead. Not a lot to ask.

   She has a body built like Pikachu

   Revenge is my policy...

   welcome back FRIDAY !!! I knew you coming back ,im fully charged and ready to get wasted with you ;)

   It'll be weird when names like Heather and Ashley are old people names.

   If Yo family says they're proud of you for graduating from everest that means they didn't think you would live that long

   I beg your pardon. I didn't recognize you. I've changed a lot.

   To this random person talking to me here in line at wal mart while I'm typing on my phone.. itd funny how you think I'm listening!

   knows that my man really love me by asking him if he does while he's sleep talkin'. It works.

   You never know who your real friends are until you are in need and then you'll be surprised who shows up.