Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you learn alot about one's Backbone, Mainly when they say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

   busy filling water balloons with fire hoses.

   If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

   not been this broke since he went carol singing with the Tourettes Association

   thinking about the similarities between men and soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

   Don't worry if your job is small and your rewards are few. Remember the mighty oak was once a nut like you!

   people who take really good care of their farmville probably have the ugliest room

   ...is wondering if some other horse went all "Tonya Harding" on former Derby favorite Eskendereya... 

   if you ever want a confidence boost just turn on your tv and watch Maury. If that doesnt help, you need help.

   Here it comesssss.... WOOT! WOOT! There it goessssssss.... "CHA-CHING!" Man, Payday Sux! :P

   all for 7 day weekends

   I like "glass half full" type of people. Unless they're working behind the bar.

   There is something significant about being the first to use a fresh new toilet paper roll

   If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

   Computers are so advanced that they are almost human; well, except for the fact that they don't blame their mistakes on other computers.

   All I want is to find a cool person to hang out with until I drop dead. Not a lot to ask.

   She has a body built like Pikachu

   Revenge is my policy...

   welcome back FRIDAY !!! I knew you coming back ,im fully charged and ready to get wasted with you ;)

   It'll be weird when names like Heather and Ashley are old people names.