Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.

   wonderbra was designed by Harry Houdini

   I won't get angry at you today... I just learned it's "Be kind to Animals Week"!

   getting a little fed up with politics. I'm thinking about joining that Long Island Iced Tea Party movement.

   67.By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.

   Stupid people exist just to make you feel better about yourself.

   I don't know why everyone is so shocked about LeBron's mom, we all had those days when MOM seduces our best friend or gets arrested at 4 in the morning drunk and catching an assault charge for punching a valet at a hotel. What's the big deal?

   After the 7th text, I wish someone in this house would just call the other person and get the conversation over with. Or at the very least get a less annoying ring-tone announcing your incoming text.

   Darth Vader vs Hitler Epic rap battle in history 2, on utube

   heard that the Roswell aliens are not happy that America took one of their ships for a joyride and crashed it into the Pacific.

   I tried ginko biloba pills for better memory, but I can't remember to take the pills.

   I wonder what that commercial with the corndog slapping the guy in the face would be like with the "Benny Hill" theme song played over it?.........

   I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and have also bought jewelry.

   Has never seen ONE person look cool while waving at the camera in the background of a live news report.... especially on College GAMEDAY.

   Listening to streaming radio with the news muted on TV. The Bengals song "Walk Like an Egyptian" came on right in the middle of a live shot of the Egyptian unrest. Long story short- I just had a Keanu Reeves "Whoa" moment.

   Once saw a man in the back who said 'Everyone Attack', but it didn't turn into a ballroom blitz.

   playing around with the google doodle/logo :p

   if you have certain names that are impossible to spell or pronounce, please be aware that your parents hated you.

   Even after watching the interview tonight Charlie Manson was thinking "This boy has lost his mind!"

   My mom will never let me get a tiger blood snowcone ever again...that Charlie Sheen.