Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Today’s hairstyle at Walmart is called, “And I didn’t brush my teeth either.”
←Rate | 02-17-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
←Rate | 02-17-2018 09:14 Comments (2)  


   messageicon When a person gets a dui and kills people we blame the person.. when a person blows up a building we blame that person.. when there is a mass shooting we blame the gun lmao
←Rate | 02-17-2018 06:59 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Hello dangerous young man! Come and look at our extensive range of military grade, rapid - fire weapons, that can easily eliminate any normal people that question your anti - social and sadistic tendencies!
←Rate | 02-17-2018 06:06 by Truman Comments (5)  


   messageicon A reminder on one of my dating profiles says "You should be more popular!" I agree.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 22:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The smog is so bad in my city that in the mornig the birds wake me by coughing in stead chirping.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 22:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be the reason someone smiles today
←Rate | 02-16-2018 20:58 by Justathought Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a human cannibal is the only job where you can be fired evey day and still keep your job :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 20:54 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon After a night of passion, I told my new girlfriend that she was the frist one I've ever been with. She smiled and said really? I said yea, the other's were sevens and eights. :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget boys and girls: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING! So the FBI can ignore you and let the shooter go ahead and so his thing.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 18:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The government and a duck have something in common. They both can stick their bills up their (_|_) :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 18:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Another school shooting? Boy, I'm sure glad I didn't go to school with a bunch of white kids....
←Rate | 02-16-2018 16:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every post since the school shooting: [outrage] [your personal agenda] [hashtag catchy slogan]
←Rate | 02-16-2018 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buys a cheap box of wine and parties like it’s $19.99
←Rate | 02-16-2018 13:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lets behonest.. Apart from "I love you" and "I miss you" which other jokes do you know? ??
←Rate | 02-16-2018 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Another Playboy model has come out, saying she had an affair with Trump, 2 years into his marriage with Melania. Trump, you horny old goat, you!
←Rate | 02-16-2018 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 18 school shootings since Jan. 1st...by the same generation that eats laundry detergent...and you wanna say we have a gun problem.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 11:12 by Mas Comments (3)  


   messageicon 21) For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
←Rate | 02-16-2018 09:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If men Honestly answered facebook question ; What's on your mind? Facebook would turn into a pornsite
←Rate | 02-16-2018 04:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In ancient greece, throwing an apple at a woman , was considered a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.......Still it is on.......Throw an Apple iPhone 8 & she will definitely say YES
←Rate | 02-16-2018 04:42 Comments (0)  



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