Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon We are very lucky that out of all the bodily functions that could have been contagious we got yawning.
←Rate | 10-24-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!
←Rate | 12-14-2018 20:52 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't mean to like your selfie I was just trying to get dried salsa off my phone.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 13:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do eggs come in a flimsy styrofoam containers but batteries come in a heavy plastic case you need a chainsaw to open?
←Rate | 01-22-2022 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I accidentally changed my GPS voice to “Male”. Now it just says “it’s around here somewhere, just keep driving”.
←Rate | 01-19-2022 11:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever smelled moth balls? How did you get their little legs apart?
←Rate | 06-15-2021 02:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided by just being an a$$h*le?
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had an Australian Accent, I would never shut up.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 19:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most blatant way to flaunt wealth, is to shoot a box of ammo at a plywood target.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check social media
←Rate | 05-06-2021 05:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What you just said, is one of the most idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If she spits on her hot-dog before eating it, you are in for a treat my man.
←Rate | 10-04-2021 11:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I owned a taser, I’d probably get curious to see how it feels and taser myself… and that’s why I don’t own a taser.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CDC just announced dudes can stop wearing skinny jeans.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Protesters should step their game up and start blocking railroad crossings.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
←Rate | 01-11-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize half way through that you’re going to need crayons to explain it to them?
←Rate | 04-22-2021 09:04 Comments (0)  

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