Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon That time hackers stole my nudes and returned them.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 15:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Neighbor’s rooster hacks & crows like he’s been a lifelong smoker
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chewing sugarless gum instead of brushing your teeth is the dry shampoo of dental care
←Rate | 09-14-2020 12:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My five year plan is to make it through this year.
←Rate | 08-06-2020 21:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Three more pension checks and I’ll have my student loan paid off.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 10:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Unsolved mysteries is my wife and I trying to figure out how we no longer have enough hangers for the clothes we washed that were on hangers before we wore them.
←Rate | 07-31-2020 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not sure what I did wrong to get targeted ads for pants with underwear sewn in.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My doctor asked me if I might be pregnant. I told him I’d be giving birth to a pack of Duracell batteries if I was
←Rate | 09-25-2020 09:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage is just your spouse always standing in front of the drawer or cabinet you want to open.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 15:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it me or do the birds and critters seem so much louder now - like their taunting us?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My life hasn't been the same since McDonald's removed the HI-C orange drink from their stores!!
←Rate | 06-06-2020 20:20 by Corey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The worst part about my dad having a ponytail is, whenever we go out to eat, the server automatically hands the bill to me.
←Rate | 06-23-2020 13:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tried to make my own hand sanitizer but I think I just made a margarita.
←Rate | 06-27-2020 22:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Video Games in the 80s: Run! Jump! Eat this flower! Collect the coins! Video Games Now: You are a broken man, haunted by the choices you’ve made. You do not fear the sweet embrace of death, but you still have unfinished business.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not one person asked me how much faster I can run in my new shoes. Being an adult is f'n dumb!!
←Rate | 08-20-2019 16:26 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently, when you supply HR with a urine sample, it has to be because they requested it.
←Rate | 08-27-2019 04:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon When I was younger I used to sneak out Of my home to go to parties, now I sneak away from parties to go home.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 11:52 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Crayons are a lot like M & M's, all the colors taste the same.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 16:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saved a ton money on a security system by hanging a picture of my paycheck on the front door.
←Rate | 08-25-2020 08:37 Comments (0)  

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