Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I've heard a lot about Karen lately but what about Felicia. Did she finally leave?
←Rate | 07-30-2020 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cardboard crowds are getting a little Rowdy at the game.
←Rate | 08-03-2020 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My five year plan is to make it through this year.
←Rate | 08-06-2020 21:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband wants to make cauliflower crust pizza so now I have to run to the grocery store and find a new husband.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mean Girls 2020: “Gross, isn’t that the mask you wore yesterday?”
←Rate | 09-25-2020 09:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this point in my marriage, showering together is just a convenient way to check for ticks.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love Bruce Lee because he studied art and poetry and decided the most beautiful form of self expression is punching someone in the face
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old enough to remember when infectious laughter had a positive connotation
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You want a traditional thanksgiving? The CDC recommends you eat outside like a pilgrim this year
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Married with Children was much funnier on TV.
←Rate | 03-11-2021 14:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week
←Rate | 04-05-2021 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!
←Rate | 12-14-2018 20:52 by JCGJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best Safeword you can use is "Meatloaf." It means "I would do anything for love but I won't do that."
←Rate | 09-04-2019 07:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to...
←Rate | 01-03-2020 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We Just bought 12 pounds of cheese. Won’t need toilet paper now.
←Rate | 03-28-2020 12:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been eating so much during the lockdown. I'm starting to get a tan from the fridge light.
←Rate | 04-10-2020 14:38 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe fewer big booty ho's at next years Grammy's??
←Rate | 03-15-2021 23:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
←Rate | 05-24-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  




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