Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4 of 6259

Things are so bad, our leaders have admitted that UFOs exist and no one cares.
←Rate |
06-11-2022 01:45
Comments (0)

The happiest person in the world is probably not on social media.
←Rate |
06-24-2022 23:14
Comments (0)

Death Row Guard: What would you like for your last meal? Condemned Woman: I don’t know, what do you want?
←Rate |
06-08-2022 01:39
Comments (0)

There is no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize sharing a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.
←Rate |
07-01-2022 01:45
Comments (0)

If a woman says, “my nipples are pierced,” the correct response is, I don’t believe you.
←Rate |
05-17-2022 06:07
Comments (0)

If you have ever sat on the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes.
←Rate |
06-08-2022 01:40
Comments (0)

Just because you’re driving 5 miles an hour over the speed limit does not mean that you can drive in the left lane. Some of us are trying to break the law for real.
←Rate |
06-20-2022 03:28
Comments (0)

When you tell a joke so funny at work that HR wants to hear it.
←Rate |
06-05-2022 02:58
Comments (0)

Before Therapy: I hate people. After Therapy: I feel good about hating people.
←Rate |
06-05-2022 02:58
Comments (0)

What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
←Rate |
06-26-2022 00:12
Comments (0)

They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
←Rate |
06-24-2022 23:15
Comments (0)

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.
←Rate |
06-26-2022 00:10
Comments (0)

When someone says, stop living in the past, I say, but the music was so much better then.
←Rate |
06-26-2022 00:12
Comments (0)

If liar’s pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more interesting.
←Rate |
06-10-2022 01:41
Comments (0)

When you pull up a power point presentation to show your cat how fat it is.
←Rate |
06-08-2022 20:45
Comments (0)

Me: At the cookout, asking everyone how they like their burger, before making them all exactly the same.
←Rate |
06-09-2022 01:43
Comments (0)

If your lady wants something with diamonds in it, get her a deck of cards. Follow me for more relationship advice.
←Rate |
06-16-2022 03:22
Comments (0)

I’m sorry for the things my face said while you were talking.
←Rate |
05-27-2022 00:15
Comments (0)

When everyone leaves the house and you’re finally alone. “Bravo six, going dark.”
←Rate |
06-05-2022 02:55
Comments (0)

Am I a good mother, Susan. Susan: My name is Amy.
←Rate |
06-08-2022 01:37
Comments (0)