Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 4 of 5763

   messageicon * 21st century where deleting history is more important than making it.
←Rate | 05-17-2018 15:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My bank account is a pit stop where money comes to hold its breath before proceeding to where it was destined for.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 13:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If women are always right,why do they always picking wrong men?
←Rate | 05-01-2018 08:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There was a homeless man I was going to give a dollar to untill I read the sign he was holding that read "One day this could be you." So I put the dollar back in my pocket in case he may be right.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 11:09 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember: One person's LOL is another person's WTF.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 07:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you
←Rate | 04-04-2018 07:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe I should have just gotten in the van.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 08:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a sneaking suspicion that Elton John couldn’t have cared less about how tight Susie wore her dresses.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 16:28 by @Madlogic Comments (4)  

   messageicon It's just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
←Rate | 01-08-2018 06:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 14:45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
←Rate | 03-28-2018 13:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time the doorbell rings my dog will go and sit in a corner........ He' a boxer.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 05:37 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wanted to be an astronaut until I found out they make you come back.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 15:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rich men treat ladies the way ladies treat broke men.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 02:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
←Rate | 05-15-2018 03:09 Comments (3)  

   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  

   messageicon if the Earth is flat, then my belly is too.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 16:24 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left