Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 4 of 5656

   messageicon No one has more to say than the woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2017 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 5000 years of eating bread and now all of a sudden everyone's allergic to gluten? WTF?
←Rate | 08-02-2017 07:45 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it's an intervention.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss that feeling you'd get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 10:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
←Rate | 07-19-2017 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 3.1x
←Rate | 08-12-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupid kid fell in the well again. --Lassie, if she were a cat.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how much you push the envelope - it'll still be stationery.
←Rate | 09-29-2017 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Harvey Weinstein & Bill Cosby sit around swapping stories
←Rate | 10-12-2017 07:34 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of buying a mass produced pumpkin at the store, this year my family will adopt one from a shelter
←Rate | 10-22-2017 20:58 by markf Comments (1)  


   messageicon Yeah tell me again that life is too short when you are on that 8-hr drive in a car full of kids at Thanksgiving
←Rate | 10-26-2017 23:07 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Hugs that turn into sex? Where do I get those? Mine always turn to "Let me go or I'm calling the police."
←Rate | 10-30-2017 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow" sound terrifying.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 12:46 by TallMtnMan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m all about unity between the human race and truly believe it’s time we all wake up and realize that we’re all in this together. But when a “artist” wins an award at the VMA’s and thanks God and Justin Bieber in the same breath... It makes
←Rate | 11-19-2017 20:43 by Meh! Comments (0)  


   messageicon when you drop your iphone, remember that's gravity that makes the apple fall
←Rate | 07-30-2017 22:52 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon More bad news for Millennials. Hangovers hurt worse the older you get...
←Rate | 08-22-2017 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm reaching the point where I really hope it's not possible to be annoyed to death.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:19 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
←Rate | 06-06-2017 09:49 Comments (2)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left